Perverted Potions
by Great Teacher
Summary: SexEd fanfic. Snape is forced to teach. Response to a challenge that was made a looooong time ago on   NOTE: There will be lemons later. You have been warned. AUAR,ChallengeFic,Language, WIP
1. Perverted Potions

The only thing I own is this computer I stole.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore stood before his pupils after the Sorting Ceremony had commenced. His gaze carried over the Great Hall, over all of the jovial students eating, talking, some even holding hands, all without a care in the world. Voldemort had been vanquished over the summer and he never seen his students happier, especially The Golden Trio. It would be their last year here at Hogwarts and it was only right that they spend it without having to worry about impending doom by a slippery, bald wizard, while studying for their NEWTs. They should experience happiness, but with safety.

He realized a week before the term would start that Hogwarts taught everything a budding wizard and witch should know, except Sexual Education. The human body is an extraordinary thing. And every child should know about their growing bodies and their hormones. Not only learn about their bodies, but protect them.

He has seen his fair share of witches pregnant before they graduated during his time at Hogwarts. Some were married soon after they found out; some had to live in shame because the father would not take responsibility or the parents could not look past such a 'mistake'; or simply the witch would get rid of the 'problem' after finding out about it. But not only that, think of the diseases, infections! Yes… He was doing this for the students' own good.

"Children! I have an announcement to make, one that took much thought. One I am sure that will make a difference in your life, perhaps a huge one." His voice rang throughout the Great Hall until it was the only one speaking. The students looked up with undivided attention, the professors the same. "It has occurred to me that Hogwarts does not teach a crucial area that pertains to everyone, particularly you, the growing student body. And that is Sexual Education."

Professor McGonagall just about fell out of her seat; Ronald Weasley snorted up his pumpkin juice; and close to half of the student body nearly broke out in laughter. The professors all stared at the Headmaster in disbelief, horror written all over their faces. And just _who_ exactly would be the one to teach said class? He has never spoken to any of them about it.

Albus smiled a smile an old, senile man would as he took the children's reactions as approval. "For now children," he started, beckoning his students to quiet down, "Sex Ed will be an elective lasting only the first term, seeing how I decided this rather spur-of-the-moment like. Any student is welcome to sign up for the elective." Hermione perked up, something new to learn then? "The professor teaching this course, I've decided to be none other than, Professor Snape."

Snape threw down his tea in a coughing fit, jerking his head to Albus and roared, "WHAT?!..."

"For those of you who would rather not take it for the entire term, you can still come to Professor Snape for help."

"… THE FUCK??!"

"Yes, Severus, you will be explaining that. But I forbid you to use that term in class, you are to present yourself as a role model after all." The Great Hall broke out in a chattering chaos. The Potions Master/ Sex Ed Professor buried his face in his hands as he shouted expletives. Snape was undeniably pissed that he was chosen to do this. But the students hated him; they wouldn't want to come to their nasty, greasy git of a Potions Professor for sexual help. Who was the senile, old man kidding? No one would sign up for this class.

"ALBUS!" Snape roared as he stalked into the Headmaster's Office.

"Severus! I'm glad you came to see me; we have much to talk about. We never got around to talking about your holiday."

"Oh, well I spent the holiday thinking of ways to kill you without getting caught."

"Splendid! What did you come up with?" Albus smiled sweetly, seeming genuinely interested.

Snape's face contorted with anger, "ALBUS, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? ME TEACHING SEX!"

"I thought you were the best candidate."

"Poppy is the best candidate, you daft old man!"

"But who makes the potions for Poppy?"

Snape gritted his teeth, "I do."

"And how can people best avoid making mistakes or perhaps solving one in a private manner."

"By brewing potions." Snape hissed between clenched teeth. _Sexual Education my ass, this is Perverted Potions._

"Well, then. I'm glad we settled that. This class of yours will only take place once a week, starting next week. I will give you the syllabus to look over. Perhaps you will have students, perhaps you won't." Snape stared at him with complete hatred. "But, for the student's sakes, I hope they come to you for help. I mean it Severus. Voldemort no longer lives, but we still prepare the children for evil. With this, we are simply preparing them for life."

Severus rose from his seat taking his leave of the Headmaster. He cursed under his breath as he stalked the corridors, occasionally finding a student out and berated them, before he took away points. After making his way down the Dungeons to his private quarters, he threw down the syllabus in disgust. He poured himself a shot of Ogden's and downed it. He would not allow himself to prepare his teaching regimen for _Perverted Potions_ sober.

The first week had drudged on as everyone assimilated back into school-mode. Severus had to give detentions to some students who would ask a question referring to his forced-upon teaching position. The popular one was, "Professor Snape, where do babies come from?" The little dunderheads never seemed to let up. He made sure their detentions with Filch were notably repugnant.

It was Tuesday evening as he strode down to the dungeons to his Potions classroom. It was seven pm and dinner in the Great Hall had just ended. Tonight was the first night of his so-called class, he grimaced at the fact. He paused before he opened the door and reassured himself that no one would want to be taught sex, especially from the snarky, Potions Master. Taking a breath, he threw open the door, robes billowing. He let out a sigh of relief, there was no one inside. He turned around, mentally kicking himself in the arse. He forgot to check the far corner of the room as he came in. Damn the Gods… Damn Albus Dumbledore… Of all the people, to be sitting in his classroom, it just had to be her.

Hermione Granger.

"Hello, Professor."


	2. It's Hard to Keep Your Legs Shut

Thanks so much Korquee, TiffyRose, and Heidi191976! I'm glad that y'all are enjoying this! I'll have the next two chapters up in a jiffy

-The only thing I own is this computer I stole.

* * *

Hermione was surprised that the Headmaster wished that the student body know more about sex and the true dangers (diseases, infections, babies, mainly the babies aspect…) behind it. It's a scary thing growing up, finding a boy or girl, and then trying to slip a condom on without it being awkward. She couldn't believe the idea that students actually got it on within the castle walls, but Harry and Ron trumped that notion. 

"Yeah, 'Mione, didn't you know? Seamus has a thing of doing it in the girl's bathroom stalls." Ron stated.

"We think it's because it runs the risk of getting caught. That or he knows Moaning Myrtle is watching him." Harry shuddered, thinking back to his fourth year. He got help from Moaning Myrtle for the Triwizard Tournament while in the bath, but she kept sneaking peeks whenever she could.

"Ok, so are you two going to go? Since apparently students do have sex here at Hogwarts."

"Bloody hell, 'Mione," Ron looked horrified, "From the greasy git of the Dungeons? No, thank you. I'm already uncomfortable just doing his homework."

"But why not? Professor Dumbledore wants us to know more about it, to be safe. You could say he's almost encouraging the act. And I just checked with him, the elective is still going on."

"Yeah, because Snape knows that no one will sign up for it."

"That's _Professor _Snape. And no, if that's true, he's wrong to think that."

Harry and Ron stopped abruptly upon hearing that and gave Hermione a look of concern.

"Hermione, _why_ are you signing up for this?" Harry started. "I mean, can you trust Snape? He might take this as an opportunity to, you know…"

"'You know', what?' Hermione looked livid. "I doubt that _Professor_ Snape would actually try to lift up my skirt and demonstrate his knowledge on me. I have been given a chance to learn something that I actually, _for once_, know nothing about! And this one bit of information, I believe, will come in handy to me one day. That and Lavender thought it would be a good idea for me to take it up." She began walking again, the two followed after her.

Ron perked up from the silence, "You know, I could give you and Lavender pointers. No need to bring Snape into this."

"Sorry, Ron," Hermione rolled her eyes, "But I believe that Professor Snape is a bit more experienced than you are, about 20 years or so if I'm correct. He must be, if _he_ was the one chosen to teach."

Harry and Ron looked at each other in disgust. Snape experienced? Ugh, to think that their Potions Master has performed the act and (much harder to believe) with a willing witch beneath him.

* * *

The week had passed and Hermione had filled herself up with a salad and potatoes, anxious to begin her new class. She looked to see if Professor Snape was still at the Head Table before she said goodbye to her friends. She pranced down the empty corridors all the way to the vacant Dungeons. 

She reached the potions classroom and hesitated before walking in. Perhaps she won't be the only one taking it? Who was she kidding; of course she would be the only one. Well, there really is no turning back now, she opened the door and made her way to a desk. The only thing she had to do now was wait.

Which she hadn't done for very long until the door slammed open and a familiar sour face strode in, his robes billowing ominously. Was that a look of relief on his face? Oh, now it's horror.

Hermione smiled weakly, "Hello, Professor." And now it's anger.

"Miss Granger," Snape rasped. "I gather you are here for the lesson in… Sexual Education?"

"No, sir, actually I was here for another dose of potions." The sarcasm dripped from her lips. Snape sneered at her in return. "Of course I am, sir." She smiled sweetly.

Severus wanted nothing more than to wipe that silly smile off the girl's face. He actually had a student and it had to be the know-it-all Gryffindor. "I'm intrigued, Miss Granger. This is one thing you have not studied up on, then?"

"Sir, I know for a fact, that sex is never safe, but I'm all for taking precautions."

"Here's a precaution that will do you justice, Miss Granger. Keep your skirt down and legs shut. Then a man won't be able to go between them, not that I believe there would be one who'd want to anyway." He smirked ever so smugly at the appalled Gryffindor.

"A precaution that you must know all too well,_ Professor_," Hermione spat out.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for that cheeky attitude of yours, Miss Granger."

"I could say the same to you, sir," Hermione choked out, completely offended.

"And you already have. Ten more points from Gryffindor."

"Professor Snape!" Hermione looked at him determinedly. "Are you going to teach me or not?" This little lioness was not going to give up.

_All right_, Snape thought, _you want to learn, Miss Granger? I'll give you something to learn. You'll wish you never signed up for this class; I'll make sure of it._

"But I already have taught you something, Miss Granger. Keep your legs shut. Now get out, I do not want to see you at this hour again until the next class." He needed time to think of his new curriculum for his special, sole student. He will never hear the end of this from Albus, but the old man needed to see that this embarrassment of a class was utterly ridiculous.

"But it has only been 10 minutes, sir!" Hermione pleaded.

"Time well spent. Now. Get. Out." Hermione wrapped her feet around the rear legs of the chair and her hands held a death-grip on the seat. Snape saw this motion of defiance and scowled. Persistent little minx. Snape walked briskly over to Hermione, spun the chair around so the back faced the desk and Hermione faced him. He grabbed the seat of the chair, just below her hands slightly brushing against them and kneeled before her. Her eyes widened at his proximity.

"I thought I told you, Miss Granger, to keep your legs shut." His voice dangerously low, almost trying to reach something, to ignite something lower in Hermione. _Oh Gods. Harry was right. He's going to lift my skirt up and show me how it's done._ Snape chuckled. _Oh crap, did I say that out loud?_

Snape glanced down at her legs, which Hermione caught and quickly unwrapped her feet and brought them to his chest, kicking him away. Snape landed on his bum, scowling at Hermione which had promptly gathered her things and ran over to the door.

Before taking her leave, she said, "Until next time, Professor."

_Until next time indeed, Miss Granger._

* * *

Rofl, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. reviews welcome and helpful hints appreciated!  
I need to brush up on my dirty jokes, I think this story might be riddled with them._  
_


	3. Phony Phallus

I'm warning you this isn't very smutty, but if a kid were to read this, well... let's just I don't want them to.

-The only thing I own is this computer I stole.

* * *

Hermione was fanning herself as she walked through the corridors to Gryffindor Tower to her Head Girl's Room. She was unusually hot and couldn't fathom the reason for it. She gradually realized that Professor Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, former Death Eater, and the Infamous Greasy Git of the Dungeons, had aroused her to no end. She didn't know his voice could reach her like that. 

She kept thinking back to his voice and how lovely it would feel to have his mouth next to her ear, either telling her to pay attention or nibbling on it. She shuddered at the thought. Oh, his voice. It could cause such fear and yet now, he could lecture about the importance of the paper clip and she would be caught in a trance for sure. Whenever he hovered inches away from her face, she wanted to lean into him, instead of kicking him, but her fear got the better of her.

She stopped in the hallway and let out a scream and shook her head, not caring if anyone heard her. She should not be starting off her last year lusting after her Potions Professor. She should be looking towards some young thing, right? But most are still immature and inexperienced and talk of nothing but quidditch. Snape at least could be considered her intellectual equal. She let out an aggravated groan. Now she was comparing him to boys her age and finding him to be more attractive. He is her professor as well! How is she to survive his class now?

She slowly made her way to the Gryffindor portrait and said the password. She lazily made her way into the Common Room only to find two pair of expectant eyes staring straight her way.

"'Mione, you're back early," Harry stated, "It's only 7:20. How was Snape?"

"What did you learn?" Ron asked in a concerned tone.

Without looking at them, "One thing. Keep my legs shut."

Ron laughed out loud before covering it with a horrible cough and Harry was too stunned for words.

She turned around, "Before you say anything, yes, I plan on going next week and no," she lied (sort of), "Professor Snape was still his snarky self. Now, I have homework I need to finish before I go about on my rounds tonight." With that, she left her best friends shocked and slightly amused.

* * *

Snape noticed in his classes over the week that Hermione did everything in her power to avoid his eyes. She didn't even raise her hand to answer a question. He smiled knowing that she was still uncomfortable around him; it would not be much longer until she would be out of his hands when it came to the Sexual Education class. Luckily for him, there have been no students to come by for his sexual advice. It would not be pleasant for either side of the party.

He had completed his new regimen for Hermione, mainly back up classes if this next one was not able to scare her away. He thought back to last Tuesday when he closed in on her. The look in her eyes was delicious. That was pure natural fear he had caused in her, but there was something else. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but he hoped he would see it again tonight. He wanted to figure out what it was and simply to frighten her again.

He glanced at his timepiece making sure everything for tonight was ready, five minutes until seven. He didn't go to dinner tonight; he would rather be in the classroom to welcome Hermione. He needed to make her uneasy from beginning to end. _Speak of the devil,_ he thought as he noticed a bushy-brown haired girl poke her head in.

"Hello, Professor Snape." Hermione said as she opened the door, stepping into the room. Her eyes widened and mouth dropped open at the sight before her. It was Snape hovering over a nude body lying on a desk.

He set some wards on the door; he wanted to make sure she stayed for the entire hour. He was graced to see that petrified look in her amber eyes, although it was missing something.

"Miss Granger," Snape nodded towards her. "I see you have noticed my dummy."

She let out a sigh of relief, "It's not real. So it's yours?"

"I assure you I only bought it a couple of days ago for the teaching of the class alone. I'm not that lonely to resort to that method, Miss Granger." Snape retorted. Hermione couldn't help but giggle. Snape sneered at her in return. "Miss Granger, we will be learning about the male anatomy today. It's best for you to learn about the opposite sex's structure before going over your own." He heard the sound of Hermione gulping across the room; it was hard not to smile.

"The male anatomy, sir?" Hermione sounded a bit apprehensive.

"Yes. Now, if you would make your way over here. I want you put your hand around the wrist of the dummy and say aloud, 'male'. With this dummy you can control the gender, but with your vague demand it will just create the gender and not a face. I would rather not know who you desire at this moment, Miss Granger."

Hermione wouldn't want him to know either. She cleared her mind and said, "Male". She looked up at Snape, catching his gaze. He glanced down at the crotch of the dummy, his way of telling her to avert her gaze down. She gasped as the dummy grew a pair of balls and a flaccid penis. Snape bit back his laughter after watching her eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.

"Um, now what Professor?"

"Now you learn about the Penis, Miss Granger." He pulled out his wand and used it as a pointer. "As you can see, this is the penis, obviously, the name originating from the Latin word 'tail', preceding the use of the Latin word, the English referred to it as 'the Yard'. Protruding from the body is the shaft, followed by the foreskin and the opening; this is an uncircumcised penis. I take it you have not laid eyes on an uncircumcised penis or any penis for that matter, am I correct?" Hermione nodded, blushing terribly. Snape smirked at her innocence, "Say 'circumcised'."

She did so in a shy voice and the foreskin of the dummy retracted into the penis revealing a much more defined shape in its limp state.

Snape continued with his lecture of the composition of the penis and the testicles, never missing a beat. Hermione gradually became relaxed as he continued to speak, until he asked her to touch it.

"Excuse me?"

"Did I st-st-stutter, Miss Granger?" Snape mockingly asked her.

"No, sir. But why must I touch it?" She felt her cheeks grow hot under his gaze, _wasn't this class over yet?_

_For my amusement_, "To see it in its erect state."

"Couldn't I just say 'erect' or something? Surely, you don't expect me to touch it."

"No, Miss Granger, you cannot 'just say erect or something'. You wanted to know about sex and I am going to teach you. Your first lesson will be how to stroke." Snape's face was devoid of any emotion, even though he so desperately wanted to laugh. He was blessed to see the fear in her eyes yet again, as well as that missing something from earlier.

Hermione bit her lip under his gaze. This was incredibly embarrassing, having to perform a sexual act on an inanimate object. She can't deny the fact she wondered how it would feel in her hands, but while he was watching?

As she began to move her hand, he stopped her by saying, "Spit in your hand first, it will act as a lubricant." She furrowed her brow and let out an irritated sigh. She reluctantly placed her hand in front of her mouth and spit in it. She held her breath as she took her trembling hand and lightly grasped the shaft of the penis.

"Good, that's a start." He walked around the table until he was beside her. "Now, position your hand to where your index finger is just below the glans, the head of the penis. There, now slowly pump the shaft. See? It's hardening." _No shit_, Hermione thought as she continued to stroke the phony phallus. "At this time you would ask your partner if he likes it: the grip you are using, the pressure, the tempo." Hermione nodded. He liked how she would innocently look for his sign of approval is she was doing it right.

He leaned over to her ear noticing her hair smelled faintly of jasmine and vanilla, "The only bad thing about this dummy is that it does not respond," she shuddered as his breath tickled her ear, "which is extremely enticing in any sexual act."

Hermione paused at her professor's unveiling of that intimate bit of information. She looked over her shoulder at him and softly said, "I thought you said you were not that lonely, sir."

"I assure you that I am a lonely man but would not resort to having sex with an inanimate object. The dealer informed me of the shortcomings of the doll, which I agree with. A person who is able to respond will always be more desirable."

Hermione scoffed, "Except Trelawney." Hermione gasped as she realized she said that aloud, but surprised even more to hear a soft chuckle.

Imitating Trelawney, Snape said in a dreamy voice, "I predict… that I will come…" Hermione let loose a howl of laughter before covering her mouth with her hands. Snape couldn't help but point out she had just had her hand on the penis, which Hermione responded by rubbing her face with her robes.

"Miss Granger, if you would get back to the penis at hand." _Pun intended_.

She nodded curtly and set back to work. She continued to stroke and seriously wondered if she was doing it wrong, it felt like five minutes had gone by.

Snape noticed the annoyed look on her face as she stroked the member. He suggested, "It never hurts to use your free hand to increase the stimulation." She nodded again, but didn't know where to place her free hand, so she put it below her right one. Snape let her continue with that placement until it was obvious nothing changed.

Snape interrupted her ministrations by placing his hand over her left; he felt Hermione's hand stiffen under his as he moved it, "Try placing your hand on his testicles, now gently massage them." He let released her hand slowly after he demonstrated the tempo with his own. Snape knew this would definitely improve the stimulation; it is how he would like it. "Now, increase your speed and gently pull the testicles."

He could hear Hermione breathe unevenly as she changed tempo and perspire a little. The faint smell of jasmine and vanilla engulfed his senses and he slightly leaned into her, but stopped himself before she noticed. Oh gods, he was getting aroused.

"Faster, harder," Snape hissed, so they could move on and for his own sake. He tried to look away from the arousing sight, but it was hard to do. He hasn't seen anything arousing as this in years.

Hermione put all that she had into this one act. She began to feel aroused, at what she was doing and the man she was lusting after currently was standing beside her. She wanted nothing more than to hide herself in her room after this embarrassing task.

"Use both hands now," Snape whispered urgently into her ear. She did what she was told and after a few quick pumps, the phony penis ejaculated.

The professor and student both sighed in relief. Hermione eyed the milky substance as it ran down her hand and felt victory as she felt the member spurt its seed and deflate. She looked back at her Sex-Ed professor and smiled. She looked so innocent to him, even after performing such an act.

"Ten points to Gryffindor... for good wrist movement." He nodded briskly as approval before casting scourgify on her hand. He turned away from her to hide himself (and his own aching member) behind the safety of his desk.

"Now, that we have covered that lesson, Miss Granger, you will brew a potion that is meant to help a man with erectile dysfunction. Think of it as a Pepper Up potion for the Penis." She approached the desk taking the instructions from him.

"Not to be rude sir, but how much longer is the class?"

"It is as long as I wish it to be. It will end as soon as you finish the potion."

With that answer, she prepared herself a cauldron and gathered the ingredients. It was a simple a potion, shouldn't take more than 20 minutes to prepare. Snape began marking his papers occasionally glancing up from them at Hermione. She wasn't drop-dead gorgeous, but she definitely was a natural beauty. She had a small, straight nose, slightly arched eyebrows, long eyelashes, and soft-looking lips. She had pulled her wild hair back into a pony tail exposing her neck, long and slender, unmarked. Snape shook himself from his daydreaming and muttered, "student... student..." and went back to his marking.

It was not long until she approached his desk with the complete potion. He looked at her and said, "What?"

"I'm finished, Professor." She put her free hand on her hip in an annoyed manner.

Severus snorted at her gesture, "Oh no, you're not done with that, Miss Granger. You see, I want you to find a willing man to drink that and then give me the report of your findings." Snape watched her reaction carefully. "That is, if you plan on returning next week?"

_So that was the point of the whole lesson_, she thought. _I will not give him the satisfaction of leaving._ She lifted her chin and replied, "Yes sir, I do plan on returning." Snape raised an eyebrow to her.

"Good, then you should have no problem with coming back with a report."

"Of what exactly?"

"How long it took for the man, or boy, in your case, to become erect; how long was he erect? Did he use a method in order to relieve himself, which he most likely will; what method was it? Then give me a detailed report over how the ingredients affect man's sexual organ and which ingredient does what. And no, I will not want to know the name of your willing individual." Hermione sighed in relief.

"Is that all, sir?" Hermione asked before gathering her things.

"No, Miss Granger, good night."

"Good night, sir." She left.

Snape leaned back into his chair and released his breath he was unconsciously holding in. Hermione was not going to give this class up. This is very unfortunate for him, because he had to continue to waste time to teach this unnecessary class and for a moment he actually enjoyed teaching her. That and watching her give pleasure to a dummy; he honestly wished he was the one to be on the receiving end of her sleight of hand.

If she didn't drop this class soon, he didn't know if he could handle another task like the one he had her perform without exploding in his trousers.

* * *

I hope y'all enjoy this. And yes, if anyone catches it, I know I totally forgot about a very important thing... but I'll fix that later on in the story. 

I hope you all laughed out loud at some parts. It brings joy to my heart when ya do.


	4. The Awkward Chapter

Thanks Korquee (I'm glad it made your night ), silverghostkitsune (hopefully this sated your appetite for a longer chapter ;), Tinilove, and Kagirinai! It really does mean a lot to me that y'all found it to be amusing. Now I must warn you, it gets a bit heated up and... awkward at some places. :)

-The only thing I own is this computer I stole.

* * *

Hermione was sitting in the armchair closest to the fireplace in the Common Room of Gryffindor tower. She idly watched her classmates, trying to look busy as she avoided Lavender; she hadn't told her _all_ of what happened at her last Sex-Ed lesson and she never plans to. She let out a sigh as she wondered who would be her willing potion candidate. It was Sunday and she still couldn't find anyone, rather she's been too afraid to ask someone. 

"Hermione," Harry chuckled as he startled her, "What's wrong? You seem a little down." He pulled up a chair next to her.

"Well, I'm kind of embarrassed about this Harry, but Professor Snape wants me to try out a potion I've made in Sex-Ed on a male and give him a detailed report," Hermione said in a hurry.

Harry scratched his scalp, "What _kind_ of potion?"

She cleared her throat, "A potion for… erectile dysfunction." Harry blinked.

"What the bloody hell is he thinking?" Harry finally said.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders, "It certainly deals with sex. I just need to find someone to drink it and let me observe them."

"I would do it, Hermione, but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with you seeing me like that."

"I understand, Harry. It's quite alright."

"Perhaps, we could trick someone into drinking it…"

"That's not a willing participant, Harry. I can't do that."

"But I can." Harry gave Hermione the widest grin as he took her wrist. "Now, where's the potion?"

"Hold on, it's in my room. I'll get it. Harry, are you sure this will work?"

"Definitely, 'Mione. Make sure you grab a quill and parchment for yourself."

Hermione smiled and ran off to her room. It wasn't long before the two ventured off and found a "willing" participant. Hermione wasn't sure if he was the best choice.

Hermione pleaded to Harry, "Harry, I don't know about this. If he catches us, I think he might try to do more than get us expelled."

"Don't worry, Hermione. I will take the blame if all goes downhill," Harry reassured his best friend, who gave him a small, doubtful smile. "Now hide over here under the cloak; he isn't in his office right now. I'll go run in, pour in most of the potion into his pumpkin juice, stir it and run back out and meet you under the cloak. Then we wait." Hermione nodded as she took a deep breath.

Hermione watched while under the safety of the invisibility cloak as Harry went through with the plan. This was a pretty stupid idea. But she hoped to the Gods Harry's plan would work. Last thing she needed was to get a zero in an _elective_. Harry gave her a thumbs up as he made his way over to her. Then she realized they were moving from her spot to the office.

"Harry," Hermione said in a concerned voice, "What are you doing?"

"We need to be in the office. I'm sure he'll close the door if he figures out what happened to himself and then you wouldn't be able to observe." He smiled at her.

"Harry, you better be right and you better hope we don't get caught, or else I'll hex you into oblivion." Harry laughed as she let out an aggravated huff. She poked him the ribs as she heard the door knob squeak. The two waited in silence as the participant (more like victim of an educational prank) entered the room and sat down at his desk.

"Alright, my sweet," Filch whispered to his cat, "We got those children good, Mrs. Norris, didn't we? Blimey bastards. Thinkin' they could get those Weasley products past me, tsh. I hate them children." Mrs. Norris responded by meowing at him as he down his pumpkin juice.

"Arhhhhh… That hit the spot right there it did. I wonder what I should have the little pipsqueaks do for their detention. What do you say, Mrs. Nor- What the?" He jumped up from his seat looking down at his crotch. "It's a miracle! Mrs. Norris, look! I got it up, I got it up!" Harry covered his mouth trying to stifle his laughter and Hermione held her breath, afraid that if anything escaped her mouth she wouldn't be able to close it. She wrote down the time on her piece of parchment. _Only took 10 seconds for Filch to respond, impressive._

"I say, Mrs. Norris, you're looking quite the fine feline tonight, if I do say so myself," Filch purred to his cat. Hermione and Harry looked at each other in horror.

"Come 'ere, my little pussycat." Mrs. Norris hacked up a hairball. She loved her Caretaker, but she would scratch his balls off before he stroked her in that way.

Filch approached his cat in what he thought was a seductive manner and in a sing-song voice, "Oh, Mrs. Norris. I know what'll solve that problem of spewing something out; you need something… _coming_ in." Mrs. Norris hissed while in a defensive stance.

"No, no darling, please." Mrs. Norris ran away through her little door, but not before leaving him a nice, wet turd on the floor.

Filch slumped down into his chair and sighed, "Well, better take care of this the ol' fashioned way." He spat in his hand, took out his member and began to work himself.

Harry was crying, because of the urge to laugh and vomit had overwhelmed him; Hermione looked ready to faint as she wrote down Filch's choice of method of relieving himself. Harry bit down on his hand each time Filch would yell out something as he gave himself pleasure, until finally three minutes later, he yelled out his completion.

"I'm a sad fuck," he whispered to no one in particular as he rose from his seat, wiping his hand over his dirty shirt and walked over to his cat's mess cleaning it up. As he left the room, it looked as if he had a bounce in his step. Hermione and Harry waited 30 seconds before sprinting out of his office.

They ran into the Gryffindor Common Room before collapsing in a fit of laughter and heaving coughs. Their classmates stared at them in confusion and amusement.

"Harry, never convince me to pull a stunt like that _ever_ again," Hermione managed to get out between bouts of laughter.

"'Mione, I would have you petrify me after suggesting an idea like that again," Harry responded. "But hey, at least you got your report taken of."

"That I do, Harry. That I do."

* * *

The week for Snape was a hard one, emphasis on hard. A certain know-it-all Gryffindor had been plaguing his dreams, leaving him in a cold sweat and unusually dirty sheets. This time in class, he would be the one trying to avoid her. He couldn't look at her without thinking back to his dreams. A witch has never affected him this way before, never. Either because he has been celibate far too long or he is actually attracted to the little chit. He groaned at the fact that the latter might be true. 

He went over the class they would be having tonight numerous times, making sure that this time it would her so uncomfortable she would have to drop it. If she didn't, he didn't know what he was going to do. _For my sake and hers, she must drop this. Dumbledore won't let this stupid idea go unless I have no students._ He absentmindedly made doodles on a piece of parchment, lost in his train of thought.

He missed dinner again in the Great Hall preparing for the class; he was much too impatient to eat. A timid, "Hello, Professor," brought him back to reality as he rested his eyes on his sole student.

"I have my report for you, sir," Hermione set her papers on his desk.

After an unusual period of silence, Snape got up and set the wards on his door before replying, "Did you have trouble, Miss Granger? I hope you found someone 'willing' to do this and not some poor unknowing soul."

"No, sir," she blushed and told a half-truth, "I had a friend help me out."

"Spare me the details; I do _not_ want to know. If you would make your way over to the dummy, then we shall begin." The dummy this time had its legs dangling from the table top. The dummy gave the Hermione the creeps. It was yellow and had no facial features, yet it felt like skin even though it looked more like a big human-shaped sponge.

"Grab the wrist and say, 'female'." Snape ordered. Hermione, not liking where this was going, reluctantly followed. The big sponge grew a good-sized pair of breasts and the crotch became more defined. "Today, Miss Granger, we will be learning about the Vagina."

Yeah, this was totally awkward.

"We will not be going over the cycles that females go through, since you obviously know all about that," Hermione coughed, looking in another direction. Snape drawled out, "Vagina is derived from Latin, meaning 'sheath'; how fitting."

He spread the dummy's legs open and beckoned Hermione to come closer. He explained to her the structure of the vagina and the placement of the nerve endings. Despite how calm his voice sounded, Hermione felt just a little bit disturbed, _why didn't he have his wand out to use as pointer like last time?_

"Now, Miss Granger, if you would watch me." Snape brought his wand hand up to the fake vagina and brushed up against it. Hermione jumped back as the dummy arched its back.

"Holy Merlin! What is it – What are – How did it move?!" Hermione finally spurt out of her rambling mouth.

Snape smirked at her, "I put a charm on it to respond by moving how a person would while receiving such pleasure." Hermione dumbly nodded, slightly intrigued. "I thought that since you had performed on the Male aspect, I would perform on the Female aspect of the dummy."

"So you are," Hermione gulped, "going to perform…"

Snape put it bluntly, "I'm going to masturbate this doll, Miss Granger. By doing this, I will show you how women can find pleasure from their partners, without the need for intercourse, or simply to give _themselves_ relief. Surely, I thought that you would know _something_ about this." Snape hinted at her own wantonness and curiosity of her body. He lived to see the know-it-all Hermione Granger squirm under his gaze. She barely nodded to him, avoiding his eyes, to continue with his ministrations.

He ran his pale hand up and down the inner thigh of the doll; in response, the doll spread its legs wider. He lets his long, slender fingers graze the labia minora with light caresses, before taking his index to rub along the opening of the vagina. Hermione couldn't look away and felt her cheeks flush red. The doll began to arch its back and move its hips against the Potions Master skillful hand.

Hermione wasn't too sure of what she should be feeling at this point. For Merlin's sake, she was watching her Potions Professor masturbate a bloody sponge of a doll and it was exciting her! Creepy or not, this was hot as hell.

Snape stopped his hand and looked at Hermione, "Now, what should I do with my free hand, Miss Granger?"

_I want you to rip off my clothing_, "Stimulate her breasts?" Hermione squeaked out.

"What a good idea…" Snape placed his left hand on the doll's breast, rolling his palm over the nipple before grabbing the breast fully in his hand, continuing his movement down below. Hermione bit her lip so hard she could taste the bitterness of her blood.

Snape watched Hermione and saw that look in her eyes. He finally figured out what it was. _She. Was. Excited._ Now, he was confused. By what? Did he excite her? Was she aroused the first day? Is it the act? _What IS it?_ Time for a bit of experimenting.

"Now, what should I do?" Snape asked Hermione, who seemed to be caught in a trance.

"Brush the clitoris lightly with your thumb, yes like that," Hermione said in a low whisper. "Now, dip your middle finger into the opening… slowly." The doll continued to writhe under the Professor's ministrations. She whimpered quietly to herself, "Squeeze its nipple." Snape felt his trousers tighten. _Dammit. _

He didn't take his eyes off of her as she gave him orders. Her eyes appeared to be clouded over and seemed to know nothing except what was taking place before her eyes. His breathing quickened, as well as her own, when she told him to go faster. Sweat was forming on Snape's forehead as his pace quickened, turning his attention fully to the doll. Hermione, at some point, grasped the edge of the table in order to hold herself up.

What seemed like hours, the doll finally arched its back and stiffened as it came all over Snape's hand. It fell back onto the desk with a loud thud. Snape and Hermione stood hunched over the desk breathing heavily. Snape wanted to say something, but it felt too awkward. He wanted Hermione out of the class, but now… There was something else he needed to find out.

"Not bad," a timid voice had finally broken the stuffy silence. Snape responded with a low chuckle which blossomed into rich, baritone laughter; Hermione joined in his mirth and attempt to shake off the awkwardness.

"I was wondering, Professor," Hermione started, "when we would begin to learn about the precautions with sex, not just the pleasure."

_Oh damn, this annoying girl thinks too much. _Snape replied, "The Headmaster wished that the students, or _student_, get an in-depth lesson in sex. We are simply starting out by learning the human body and pleasuring oneself, without the use of intercourse, which most precaution should be taken. You, young lady, are not ready for intercourse."

"Hmph, I'll have you know that I became of age this August. I believe I will be the one to determine if I am ready for intercourse or not, sir." Hermione lifted her chin to her Professor, meeting his gaze. For a moment, he stared at her until he walked over to her side of the table, closing the distance between them. Hermione gasped and took a step back, bumping into a desk; he closed the distance again.

She found herself stuck between the proverbial rock and proverbial hard place. She had to lean over the desk in order to create space between her and Snape. He placed his arms on either side of her delicate frame, his hands resting on the desk; he lowered his head to her ear. He made sure not to touch her, only for her to feel the warmth of his proximity.

He breathed into her ear, "Are you so sure of that, Miss Granger?"

He raised his head so he could see her wide, amber eyes. He brought his hand that was sullied by the doll, to his mouth and licked it in front of her. She simply watched and bit her lip when it twitched wanting to lick his fingers. He had the smuggest look on his face after noticing Hermione did not try to hide the fact that she was staring intently at his tongue; then she surprised him.

"What does it taste like?" she innocently asked. Before he could respond, she had grabbed his hand and thrust his middle finger into her mouth. He groaned as he felt the sudden change of temperature of the slick cold coating his finger heated up as she ran her hot little tongue along the length of it. He instinctively leaned into her, finding himself between her legs. _Oh, the irony._

"Miss Granger," he growled in a low voice, as he slowly slipped his undeniably clean finger from her mouth, "how many times have I told you to keep your legs shut?"

"Too many times, sir," Hermione responded breathlessly. She needed to get out of here before something was said, or worse, _popped_. "Too bad there isn't a man to be found between them."

Snape hissed at her cheek and did everything in his power to stop himself from capturing her mouth with his, his expression baring all. She smiled smugly in return, stepping around him. Before she waltzed out of his room, she announced in her cheeriest voice possible, "Until next time."

Snape turned around and let loose a growl of frustration. He was this close – THIS _CLOSE_ – That's it. Scratch his original plan of getting rid of Miss Granger. As Merlin as his witness, he would torment her every chance he would have with her and leave her in want. He needed to _have_ her. And have her he would by the end of the term. No earlier. No later.

* * *

rofl, hope y'all enjoyed that. 


	5. Sexual Tension in Sexual Education

Thanks L'ivrogne, TiniLove, SiverGhostKitsune, Korquee (rofl, I love your enthusiasm), tiffyrose, Patchye, Kagirinai, sshortblnd, pottersgirl91, and Tyrine (thanks for letting me know about the tenses, I was waiting for someone to comment on those :) !

Now this is a short chapter, hope you guys don't mind, but I need some time to pass by /wink.

-The only thing I own is this computer I stole.-

* * *

What _happened_ in there?

Hermione holed herself up in her room, not caring to stop to talk to Harry and Ron. She felt like something had exploded in her. She has never quite felt like this – whatever "this" was – before.

She felt alive.

And that look, oh that incredible hungry look in the professor's eyes. She was sure if she did not leave the classroom at that second, she would have wrapped her legs around her professor, call him a hypocrite and devour his mouth.

She wanted him. He wanted her.

"Oh, gods," Hermione whispered to herself. There were times when she had butterflies in her stomach, whenever she had experimented with Ron in her fifth year, but it developed into nothing more. She felt guilty because it seemed wrong. No other word to describe it. Wrong.

But tonight… shit, she didn't care if it was wrong or right; there were bloody elephants swimming in her belly. And Snape was the Patriarch. She desperately wanted to sate this feeling, but she wouldn't allow herself. This was one urge she did not want to feed. She would think of him if she did… That cannot happen: her thoughts of Snape, the possibilities with Snape. She would watch Filch jerk off again to not let it happen.

She began to heave.

She coughed and took a deep breath. "Well, that took care of that problem." Another craving suppressed. She walked over to her bed and pulled out her Transfiguration text and began her assignment. Yes, this is all that should matter to her this year: her studies.

_Note: Think of Filch masturbating when feeling especially randy._

* * *

Thinking of Filch became a certain revolting pastime for Hermione as a month grudged on. Fortunately for her, Professor Snape did not pull out the Perverted Polymorphic Puppet (try saying that five times fast), which always increased the tension, sexual or otherwise. _Should there be sexual tension in a Sexual Education class_, she thought.

There was no doll, but there was certainly tension during class. He had abruptly changed his course of teaching. She felt a little disheartened at this. Perhaps he took what she said seriously. He had made her brew potions each time, a couple of contraceptive potions and some weak aphrodisiacal potions; luckily he didn't ask her to test _those_ out.

Even though he had distanced himself in class, there were others times that he led her to believe he'd rather be closer. There were numerous times when she needed an ingredient from the top shelf, as she reached for it he came up behind, very close behind her, reaching over her to get the ingredient. He was so close she could smell his distinctive scent, sandalwood.

Then she would feel like an idiot as he thrust the ingredient into her quivering hands, telling her to wake up; she had forgotten about it. She normally wasn't distracted as she brewed potions, but she couldn't help herself to take quick glances at her professor, usually when the potion just had to simmer. She was certain, that a couple of times, she caught him dong the same.

In fact, in her last class he was staring at her so intently that he didn't seem to notice that she caught him and crossed her arms at him with a raised eyebrow. He blinked and shook his head softly, before he was aware of Hermione's scrutinizing gaze.

"What is it, Miss Granger?" Snape spat, turning back to his grading.

"Nothing," she hardened her gaze, "It's just that you were staring at me."

"I guess I got lost in your beauty," he droned, rolling his eyes. "Now, get back to work."

She furrowed her brow at his demand and turned back to her potion. Once she had finished and bottled the potion up, she walked up to Snape to turn it in. He turned to look at her when he heard her squeak, then all of a sudden a nauseous feeling spread throughout his body. He felt his breath escape him and honestly thought he would pass out. This was almost as painful as the Cruciatus curse, but concentrated only on his lower region. Struggling to focus his eyes, he heard Hermione let out a yelp of pain and felt an awkward warm weight between his thighs. _Oh, shit_.

It was Hermione; the bloody girl tripped and head-butted his penis. It seemed she hadn't realized what had happened just yet as she stayed her place kneeling between his legs, her arms relaxed on his thighs, rubbing her forehead. He liked the way she looked on her knees, but fortunately for him, he was in too much pain to _react_.

"Miss Granger," Snape said in a low, constricted voice, "if you would _please_ remove yourself this instance." She looked up at him and confusion, then redirected her gaze to his crotch, her eyes popped out of her head, aware of the situation she was in. However, she didn't move. She wasn't sure if she was too shocked to or if she didn't want to.

Snape arched his eyebrow and cocked his head, _why is she not moving?_ He smirked; _perhaps she was having an inner battle with herself about her snarky Potions/Sex-Ed Professor._ He let his index finger graze the length of her slowly; she shuddered. He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes; he wanted to perform _leglimens_ on her, but decided against it, for now.

"Perhaps, we should bring out the doll again, Miss Granger, hmm?" He softly whispered, inches away from her face. She stared at his lips, barely taking in his words. "And maybe I should keep my legs shut too, so I won't find some unsuspecting witch thrown between them." Hermione quietly tittered to herself and nodded. He took her hands and lifted her to her feet. He picked up the vial of the aphrodisiac before he rose.

"It appears, Miss Granger," he started, "that your potion is still intact, seeing how it did not break during its fall. I hope that next time you will pay attention to where you step. You are dismissed."

Hermione nodded softly and slowly before she turned to walk away. Snape was actually being _nice_. He also touched her and she liked it… _Oh not good, not good. Filch filch… ewwww…_ Luckily, she had her back turned to Snape, so he couldn't see the disgust on her face.

"Miss Granger," she stopped and looked over her shoulder. His features had become hard again, "before I forget, 30 points from Gryffindor for nearly destroying possible children." She scowled at his smirk as she left.

_Cheeky bastard._

* * *

Hope it's satisfying for the time being. I'll have a new raunchy chapter up in no time. _  
_


	6. Bless Gryffindor Courage

Thanks Korquee (Ya, it's a word, lol.), Heidi1919176, Silverghostkitsune, tiffyrose (gotta love that cheek), tinilove, koneko-muya, villafoo, Marble Meadow, The Almighty Cheez It [ D, Artemis-Eureka (My English teacher didn't believe me that I wasn't taught grammar properly (But she was a weirdo (burrito))), sshortblnd, Lachelle92, and darkprince31! Glad the short chap was alright. Now Beware youngsters: it gets pretty graphic at some point. If you're not supposed to read, don't want to read it, don't read it. Although, it's pretty funny. :) _Look at me, I'm a stranger with candy_

_-_The only thing I own is this computer I stole.-

* * *

"NO!" A loud bang reverberated down the Dungeon's corridor.

_What do I do?_

"HELP! PLEASE!" The door did not budge, did not break, no matter how hard the girl pounded.

_Someone, please! He – I can't believe what he wants me to – No…_

She gasped beautifully as the man in black snaked his arms around her tiny waist, something hard pressed into the small of her back. His hands roamed the front of her body, never stopping because her traitorous body responded so willingly.

_This isn't fair – This isn't fair…_. She whimpered as he rocked against her, his nose buried in the crook of her neck, taking in her scent.

"This is punishment, Miss Granger," Snape growled as he nipped her shoulder. "You head-butted my penis, it hurts," he pressed his aching member against her slowly; it hurt indeed. Hermione groaned. "You must kiss it… to make it better."

Hermione could have sworn she felt her Sex-Ed professor's lips curl into a smile. A smug one at that. As hard as she tried to bite down her lip to prevent the betrayal of her body's pleasure, her want, another whimper escaped. The smile she felt on her skin widened.

"I think you agree with me, Miss Granger. A responsive partner is so much more enticing," Snape said. Hermione felt something wet pool between her thighs.

She gave up and fell limp against his lean body; the burning sensation of temptation had won. She closed her eyes and felt one of his hands reach her shoulder and lightly push her around to face him. She raised her head to look into her Professor's eyes.

"Hullo, my Sweet." Hermione's eyes widened to see Mr. Filch standing before her about to ravage her lips with his bear trap of a mouth.

Hermione's scream echoed throughout Gryffindor Tower. She immediately sat up in her bed and clutched the sheets as if she were trying to protect her body from invisible eyes. She nearly screamed again after seeing Crookshanks at the foot of her bed, mistaking him for Mrs. Norris. She shivered then realized she was covered in a cold sweat.

_Are these what you call 'wet dreams'? They feel more like nightmares_, Hermione thought. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, hoping against hope that her next dream would not consist of ANY Hogwarts faculty member.

* * *

Snape could hardly conceal his giddiness. It was Tuesday night. That meant it was time yet again for Sexual Education. And with who? None other than the Gryffindor Know-it-all, Miss Granger, who was currently pining for her Professor; Snape was sure of it. This lesson would be the most intense one the two would ever go through with. The only problem is if he can convince her to go through with it.

He smirked as he thought of an idea to insure she would go through with it, _And I could still benefit from it. It's ingenious!_ He conjured up the doll, grasped its wrist and said, "Male." After its transformation, he murmured a spell and returned to his seat. He watched his timepiece as it slowly reached seven pm.

He was graced to hear the creak of the door and a "Hello, Professor" as the know-it-all made her way into the classroom. _The silly girl must be waiting outside until it is seven, so she doesn't seem anxious to start._ He smirked and set numerous wards down on the door; he would not allow her to leave without completing her "assignment".

"Miss Granger," Snape curtly nodded, "It occurred to me last class, that we are overlooking a serious act of sexual… recreation." He smiled deviously. He saw Hermione swallow in silence. He chuckled inwardly and thought, _Oh, how she will learn._

"We – We did?" Hermione squeaked.

"Oh, yes. I thought it was time we took a break from brewing potions and get back to experimentation with the – "

_Depraved Distorting – _ , Hermione thought.

" – Dummy. I trust that you agree?" Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, oh, heh, yes… sir. But what exactly would be going over today?" She licked her lips in earnest.

Without wasting a moment's hesitation, he responded, rather confidently, "Fellatio."

Hermione's face fell expressionless; she was quickly reminded of her dream. She had the sudden urge to run out of the room, but felt rooted to the floor. The silence was unbearable. The calm, almost-amused-look on Snape's face was insufferable.

"You want me to," Hermione started, "to put my mouth… on that?"

"Well, I think you would do more than just put your mouth on it, Miss Granger." He put his hand up to silence her. "You signed up for this class. I am teaching you about Sex, you cannot deny that. I'm saving you the trouble of having your first time to be fumbling about, accidentally biting, and whatnot. You will have an idea on how to do the act just like before. No one is allowed in, who is not part of my class; lucky you, my sole student. However, you will not be allowed to leave until you finish your assignment."

"My assignment?! You've got to be kidding!"

"Miss Granger. I am Severus Snape, Potions Professor of Hogwarts for the past 17 years. When have I ever kidded?" Hermione shrugged and nodded at this. 'Kidding' was not the Professor's style.

"But still… It's unusual, for a professor of mine to be watching me – giving head – to a doll." Hermione looked down at the ground, focused on a stain on the stone floor.

Snape rolled his eyes, "Fine, Miss Granger. I'll put a curtain up around you and the dummy, leaving you to your assignment. Is that satisfactory?" Hermione looked up and nodded, _then I could just use my hands, he won't be able to see._

Snape was a step ahead of her, "And you are not allowed to use your hands. I have it charmed to tell me whether you are just stroking it or actually performing fellatio." Oh, he had it charmed alright. He cast a charm before she entered that would allow him to feel exactly what the dummy would receive from Hermione.

She furrowed her brow and stomped away towards the doll and waited by its side. Snape turned around and with the flick of his wand he conjured curtains that hovered in the air surrounding Hermione and the doll. He sat at his desk and pulled out some horrid 3rd years' essays to grade as he waited for the completion of Hermione's task.

Hermione found herself enclosed by black curtains beside the male aspect of the dummy. It sat at the end of table, its legs dangling. She tapped her foot impatiently, looking at the penis. _This all feels like a mean joke. Is he still trying to get me out of this class? Because if he is, he's going entirely too far._ She gritted her teeth, when she heard him cough.

Obviously, he knew she hadn't started yet. _You have another thing coming, Snape, if you think I would drop this class. Divination was rubbish, but I'm actually learning something here, even if you despise teaching it._ She dropped to her knees. _You will not scare me away, Professor._

As if Snape heard her thoughts, he muttered, "Bless Gryffindor courage." He felt a warm hand run along his length. He continued his marking, albeit a little slower than before.

Hermione began to rub the sponge penis into an erect state, which was about six inches. She seriously wondered if it would fit. She leaned forward slowly, unsure of what to do, she stared at it. The head looked like it was weeping; she used her thumb to spread its pre-cum. She braced herself for the invasion of her mouth. She took a deep breath and pushed everything from her mind. Grasping the shaft, she kissed the head. Snape hissed. Hermione sprang back up and looked in the direction of her Professor.

Snape slapped his hand over his mouth after the sensation had struck through him like lightning. Hermione must've heard him. Not knowing what else to do, he muttered, "McMillan, stupid boy," and made a loud sound with his quill as if he was slashing the paper with a sword. He waited a moment and sighed as he felt the same sensation in his loins; she had continued.

Hermione clumsily made her way down and up the shaft with little kisses and soft caresses with her lips. She leaned onto her heels and wondered what else she could try. Her knees beginning to hurt, she conjured a pillow for them. After making herself more comfortable, she leaned in again and this time, beginning to start at the base of the shaft, she ran her tongue along the length of the penis and circled the head with her tongue. Snape said that semen tasted like salty, bitter even. But just like before when it was the female aspect, it tasted like Strawberry mousse. _Perhaps the makers of the dummy wanted its cum to taste like the person's favorite sweet._ She circled the head again; she could've sworn she felt the dummy shudder.

Snape bit his lip as the sensations bore through him. His aching member was caught between the headband of his underpants and his stomach. It was painful to breathe as his penis rubbed against him, yet enjoyable at the same time while the feeling of Hermione's tongue lingered. He was glad for the charm and the curtains. Snape was certain that without both, the experience would be much more excruciating.

Hermione stopped her ministrations and bit her lip; she felt warmth flood her stomach and fall deeper. _Should this be exciting?_ She shrugged, she didn't care. Enveloping as much as she could with her mouth, she groaned.

_Oh dear motherfucking Merlin._ Snape's eyes rolled back, his mouth went slack. 

She worked out a motion with her mouth and hand; the two would meet in the middle, each covering what they could not reach. With her free hand, she rubbed the inner thighs and caressed the testicles. She detached herself to blow hot air as she removed the warmth of her mouth. The doll raised its hands and entangled them in her hair and pushed her mouth back onto the penis. She gave a yelp of surprise; apparently, the other charm to make the doll respond from the last class was still on it.

The doll was forcing her down on its penis so rough that she began to whimper and tears stream down her cheeks. She did everything to keep her throat relaxed lest she get sick and choke on her own vomit, while trying to struggle out of the doll's grasp. Finally, she bit down. She thought she heard it scream in pain and then there was a clattering. _What is going on?_

Snape was doubled over in pain on the floor. _Bloody, stupid girl._ He took deep, rasping breaths, his eyes clenched shut. He opened them when he heard a muffled, "gerroff". Laboriously, he removed himself from the floor. Thoroughly pissed, he wrenched open the curtains. _Well, there's a sight you don't see every day._

An expressionless sponge-like human sitting up hunched over Hermione Granger, with its hands buried deep in her wild chestnut hair, was driving its sex into her mouth with such force, it would not give the girl the chance to bite down again. It was as if Snape was petrified. All he could do was blankly stare, his mouth hanging wide open.

He stared at Hermione who was staring back at him pleadingly from the corner of her eyes. He had forgotten for a second that it was her mouth giving him pleasure vicariously through a dummy… _a dummy that was raping her mouth, shit. Shit. Shit._ Shaking himself from the trance and trying hard to ignore the sensations, he grabbed the wrists of the dummy and pulled them from her hair, giving Hermione the chance to remove herself from the dummy.

Snape did not expect how the dummy would react. It struggled out of Snape's hands and grabbed a hold of his head and pushed him down. Repeatedly. To its crotch. His eyes widened as remembered the warning the merchant gave him, "It must climax, make sure of that." Snape pushed away the dummy, which rebounded off the desk it was previously perched on, made its way back to Snape. He let out a roar of frustration and for some odd reason, he slapped it.

"_Petrificus Totalus!_" yelled Hermione. Snape barely jumped out of the way after he saw the spurt of red light. The doll fell to the ground, lifeless as ever, sporting a huge erection. She looked up to her Professor, wiping her mouth, "Did you just _slap_ a doll?"

"Well, at least I didn't bite its penis," he snapped. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.

"How did you know I bit it?"

"Easy, he was raping your mouth as punishment," he lied to her. _Perfectly understandable._

She groaned in annoyance, "Why did you make me do that? And with of all things, a doll! A doll, Professor!"

He felt it safe to approach her, but covered his front carefully. Hermione petrifying the doll had unfortunately left his erection intact, but left the rest of him able to move. _Great, a frozen penis. Thank you, Hermione Granger._

"What else would you have me do then?" He walked around her, carefully edging close to her, forcing her to back away. "Is there something – or someone – else that you would prefer to use?" He successfully pinned her against the door. "To put it bluntly, Miss Granger, you _will_ give some bloke a blow job or a hand job _sometime_ in your life and vice versa, whether you believe it or not. Why not learn the art of pleasure from someone who knows what it is like to receive and to give? Hmm?" She didn't answer, just looked at him.

_Why do I always find myself pushed up against a hard place and Snape blocking me in_, Hermione wondered. She was again reminded of her dream, except she faced him and Snape had his arms around her, but his hands rested on the door behind her. His black eyes bore into hers and for the first time, she seemed lost. The warmth spread throughout her underneath his stony gaze.

Snape growled at how Hermione was acting. He leaned in, telling himself that it was too early, not yet, not yet. Inches away from her mouth, he scowled and pushed himself away from the door. He nearly tripped over the dummy as he marched to his desk. Hermione just stared at him in confusion and frustration.

"Miss Granger, I thought I told you are not permitted to leave until you finish your assignment," he hissed. She stared at him in defiance, unmoving and completely infuriated.

"After what just happened?" she retorted hotly. "I think not. It seemed it wanted you to finish up, the way it grabbed hold of your head earlier."

He glared at her, "Sir."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"How mature," he droned. "Fine. Finish it with your hands. But the next time, I present you with something such as this; there will be no curtains and no help from me if it goes out of control for your impertinence." He made a biting motion with his mouth, the sound of his teeth clashing together made her grimace.

She approached the dummy and kneeled beside it, not daring to remove the spell in case it should attack her again, she began to work the shaft. She never took her eyes off of Snape, who was unbeknownst to her, feeling her 'handiwork'. He and the doll were not long from reaching completion.

The two stared at each other for the longest, uncomfortable time, until the doll gave out and released itself under Hermione's hand. Snape snorted as if amused by her performance, but really trying to cover his own release. Hermione wiped his amused expression, fake or not, from his face as she licked her hand clean, never taking her eyes off of him.

She rose to her feet and said, "Was that satisfactory enough for my assignment, Professor?"

Snape nodded. He lifted the wards wordlessly.

"Then I will leave you now. Goodnight, Professor."

She left him speechless. Snape stared at the door, before placing the wards down again. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and suddenly felt light-headed. He removed the charm that let him feel what the dummy was feeling and scourgified it before hiding it in some storage space.

He sat in his seat again and placed his elbows on his knees, before burying his face in his hands. He sniffed the air and smelled the scent of sex, then his underwear felt uncomfortable. _Ugh. This didn't go as I hoped it would._ He scourgified himself, thinking back to when Hermione licked her hand. _Perhaps living vicariously through a sex doll wasn't one of my better ideas…_

Then another idea came to him and he snapped his fingers, _Miss Granger, you taunted me tonight and you will feel my wrath. Oh… how you will feel it._

* * *

Ooohhhh I'm getting better at this lemon stuff... well maybe. :)  
Hope you liked it.


	7. The Switcheroo

Thanks Heidi191976, darkprince31 (just maybe ;), deadlyabyss12, Sarah and Lupin, Korquee (your reviews are always cherished), Tyrine (you are correct my friend, i was finishing up book 6, rofl, and finished book 7 in a day), sshortblnd, tiffyrose, slytherian angel, sketchy cannibis (my favorite line XD), skittles1493, seph7, sexii-severus, seve-suzie, mxdp, and silverghostkitsune!!!!!!! Oh gosh, this chapter is totally gonna kill you guys. D

-The only thing I own is this computer I stole-

* * *

Hermione plopped down in a chair beside Harry in the Common room; Ron fell asleep while doing his Potions essay. There was a distinct pool of dribble at one of the paper's corner. Harry shot a few wary glances at her before he closed his Transfigurations book. She looked like she was about to blow a gasket. He pursed his lips and waited silently, listening to the crackling of the fire. Hermione just sat there, staring straight ahead shooting daggers with her eyes. He twiddled his thumbs and hummed quietly. His mind strayed, _Is that a bogey on my boo – _

"ARGH!" Hermione finally broke the silence, startling Harry and waking Ron from his slumber. "Bezoars roam the safari hunted by snor…" he mumbled before drifting back to sleep. Hermione continued unaware of Ron's sleepy outburst and Harry stifling his laughter.

"He just makes me so… so… So infuriated!" Hermione huffed. Harry noticed her cheeks were a blotchy red.

"You all right there, 'Mione?"

"I just want to smack him up the head sometimes!"

Fortunately for her, she already did, but she doesn't know that.

"I'm guessing you mean Snape. He's not making you do another report, is he?" Harry asked anxiously. _I don't know if I can handle watching Filch do that again_, he shuddered.

"No, no. He's just, well," Hermione needed tread lightly around the subject of Sex-Ed and Snape, "unpleasant as always. Bit of a handful by myself." She smiled nervously.

"Well, if you're just _now_ finding out that he's a greasy git, 'Mione, then I'd say you're a genius with one thick skull."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she rose from her seat and took a peep at Ron's essay. "I suggest you wake up Ron and tell him he's writing a paper for Potions and not Care for Magical Creatures." She yawned and walked slowly to her room, dreading the dreams that would follow.

* * *

Halloween was upon Hogwarts before anyone could say "Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes Win with Whizzing Whithery Wasps!" 

Albus walked around merrily about the Great Hall, watching his students thrive and pulse with The Weird Sisters lively music. This ball was certainly a good idea; the students were so happy. He caught a few (many, actually) couples huddled in a corner kissing passionately. He would stalk up to them silently and surprise them with his cheerful voice and twinkling eyes, "Be sure to stop by Poppy's if this progresses to the floor! Remember: Be Safe!" then scurried away leaving the couple horrified.

Albus made his way over to the fruit punch and noticed his Potions Master, staring intently at Hermione Granger, who was currently dancing quite vivaciously in her Nurse costume. He glanced between the two for quite some time before clearing his throat and helping himself to some punch.

Snape glanced to his side and muttered in acknowledgement, "Headmaster."

"Severus, how are you?" Albus asked before taking a sip of the tasty punch.

"Just dandy. Having to watch dunderheads make even more of an idiot of themselves has become the highlight of my night. It almost gives me as much joy as receiving the Cruciatus curse. All that writhing about on the floor, yes, I call that my 'Happy' dance," Severus droned, still staring at Hermione. He was nearly knocked off his feet when he was ambushed with a pat on the back from Albus, who laughing heartily.

"Still the jokester!" He wiped at his eye, "Ah, speaking of dances, how is it going teaching the 'Horizontal Dance' to Miss Granger, our little pioneer of education."

Snape glanced uncertainly at Albus before responding with, "Other than the occasional cheek, she is learning rather quickly. And doesn't mind getting her hands dirty," _oh, not one bit. She actually prefers to lick them clean._ "… with the potions of course, some require very intricate 'handiwork'." _Bless those hands._

Snape then realized that Hermione was looking back at him from between Potter and Weasley. He coughed and turned abruptly to pour himself some punch. Albus peered over his half-moon spectacles at Snape. _Hmm, I wonder…_

"So how old is Miss Granger?" Albus innocently asked.

Snape swallowed down his punch in one gulp, "Granger? Well, she told me she came of age last August."

"Then I suppose that puts her on out the market then, doesn't it?" Albus jovially walked away, his insinuating words still ringing in Snape's ears.

He stared after the Headmaster as his thoughts flooded his mind.

_Does he know?_

_Does he know what we've done?_

_Wait a second, was he giving me permission?_

_Or perhaps encouraging me?_

_Damn you, Albus. Damn you to hell and I hope they tear out your twinkling eyes and skull fuck you._

He turned round to the punch bowl to pour himself some more, only to be obstructed by a figure clad in white with unruly chestnut hair.

"Hello, Professor," Hermione said, who was holding out a cup of punch for him.

Snape nodded curtly as he took the drink and watched her pour one for herself. He drank in the sight of her curved figure along with the punch. The costume left little to the imagination, seeing how she was busting out at all the right places. The white knee-high stockings and red-hot pumps seemed to be the cherry on top that completed Hermione's delectably fiendish outfit. Snape licked his lips ever so slightly.

Hermione turned to face the circle of frenzied students. "And what are you supposed to be sir, a Bat?"

He scowled, "No, I am wearing what I always wear."

"Hmm, it must be the light."

"Then you must be blind as a bat," he muttered.

"Oh, _come_ now, Professor," she put the emphasis on 'come', before lightly placing her hand upon his forearm.

"That's what the dummy is for, Miss Granger," Snape retorted, smirking slightly.

"Oh, yes. Is your Moaning Marionette gathering dust or have you pulled it out to give it the ol' Wax on," she did a wide sweeping gesture with right palm, "Wax off?" then with her left.

"You mean, my Fidgeting Figurine who has the tendencies of a rapist?" Snape shot back with raised eyebrows.

Hermione and Snape stared at each other for the longest time until she couldn't stand it anymore and threw back her head and laughed. Snape smiled and chuckled low so that only she could hear him. Apparently, their class together had become an inside joke between them. How odd.

Hermione fanned her face, "I'm sorry," she giggled, "I just can't believe I was able to keep a straight face for that long. While making such," she lowered her voice to a whisper leaning closer to him, "such lewd jokes with you."

He followed her movements and said, "Then I guess you will have to continue and see how far you can go while keeping a straight face. It's a good thing you're taking my class, you're learning from the Master." He gave her a rather fiendish grin, which she blushed at. "I believe my shift monitoring the ghoulish festivities has come to end, good evening, Miss Granger." He bowed elaborately. Hermione curtsied in return.

"Oh, and Miss Granger? Just as a warning to you; there will be no curtains next class." With a turn and a billow of his robes, he left Hermione gaping after him with all sorts of thoughts running through her head.

* * *

Over the weekend, Hermione had a horrible recurring nightmare. She was chased about the Potions classroom by the disgustingly yellow sponge doll. While it was in its male aspect, it wore a face: Snape's, then it melted away into Filch's. After thinking it over, Hermione wished she didn't think of Filch so much when trying to keep her urges in check; she didn't know he would be plaguing her dreams. Perhaps it's her unconscious working in overdrive. 

Hermione paced the corridor outside the Potions classroom debating with herself if she should go to her Sex-Ed class today. _Is the class really worth it? I just don't want to be man-handled by a dummy again… What is Snape playing at with 'no curtains'? I don't know, I don't know._

She paused her pacing and stared at the door, biting her lip raw. She thought back to when the dummy was forcing his sex into her mouth and Snape watched. He looked so intrigued by the act, by her. _I don't care anymore,_ she thought. She opened the door; the creak, of course, always gave her away.

"Hello, Professor."

"Miss Granger, you're late," Snape barked. "I hope you were not having second thoughts?"

"'Course not, sir. Wouldn't miss this class for anything," Hermione replied with fake enthusiasm. Snape sneered at her, before setting wards on the door.

"If you would sit here, Miss Granger," he pulled out the chair closest to the edge of the table to the side of the dummy, which was in its female form. "You will be observing today." Hermione took the seat as if it was nothing new, hiding her discomfort.

"Just what will I'll be 'observing', Professor."

"Cunnilingus," he bit back a smirk.

Hermione's mouth dropped open. She heard about cunnilingus, as well as fellatio, from Lavender (the girl knew enough about sex, why she was pestering Hermione, no one knew). Realizing she must look like an idiot with her mouth gaping open, she closed it and shifted in her seat.

"Well, by all means, Professor. Be my guest," she nodded towards the doll. "Oh, one question. Why a – a doll?"

Snape snorted, "I thought you would have understood the concept of the doll _long_ ago. Since sexual acts are rather personal ones, with the doll, no boundaries are broken."

_Yes, no boundaries. Just a barrier: Yours and soon,_ he thought.

He cleared his throat, "Are we ready to begin?" Hermione nodded, although doubtful that she'd learn anything.

He knelt down and sat on his heels between the legs of the doll and gently pushed them aside, revealing the sponge vagina. Hermione noticed that Snape looked completely calm as if he were handling an extremely fragile potion; he even brushed away a few of his somewhat greasy-looking locks from his face and tucked them behind his ears.

_He must mean business then,_ Hermione snorted to herself. _I wonder what will reach first: his nose or his – OH! _ Hermione jumped in her seat after feeling a warm sensation touch her more – private – areas.

Snape's head bobbed up from his spongy confines, "Everything all right, Miss Granger?" Hermione, who was now covering her mouth and her eyes nearly popped out of her sockets, cleared her throat and nodded to him. Snape bit back a smirk; nothing was all right. When he warded the door, he cast the charm that would let Hermione feel _exactly_ what the doll received from him, before he directed to her seat.

_Let the games begin._ Snape set back to the vagina before him. He kissed the nether lips, lingering on them at times before rubbing his long, sculpted nose along the entrance, causing the doll to tremble. Oh yes, he put the moving charm back on the doll. He wanted Hermione to have to watch the doll squirm, while she knew she couldn't, lest he find out she was 'excited'.

Hermione sat stiffly in the chair in a position much like the first day of Sex-Ed. She grasped the sides of the seat, her nails digging into the wood; however, her legs (this time) were closed shut and her feet twined together. She just couldn't comprehend _how_ she was feeling this slick sensation over her loins. _ I'm overly randy, that's it. I'm just imagining things. _ She bit her lip.

Snape's tongue ran up and down the slit of the quivering sheath, preparing it for the invasion of his lengthy tongue. Resting his nose on the clitoral hood, he inserted his tongue, darting it in, out, in, out, rapidly; stopping occasionally to stroke the entrance. At that point, the doll had wrapped its legs around the Professor's neck, beckoning him to go further.

Snape stole glances at Hermione to check the state she was in; currently, she looked as if she had passed out. Her head was leaning over to one side slightly, her eyes half-lidded and her mouth parted open. The fact that she was responding so well to his ministrations, albeit through a dummy, he wasn't surprised in the slightest when he felt himself harden.

Hermione's mind was riddled with thoughts yelling at her to wake up from this catatonic-like state she was in; others were encouraging her to moan, and the more bold ones were telling her to kick the table away and take Snape's mouth with her own. The warmth had taken over her abdomen and a painful, yet enjoyable throbbing sat between her thighs, begging to be released.

The doll had now immersed its hands into Snape's hair; its fingers weaved and tangled itself into his raven locks. Its hip rocked against the ministrations of his tongue and his unusually long, but pleasurable nose. Snape looked calm, cool, and collected as ever. Just with a doll humping his face.

Hermione couldn't take it anymore, she felt as if she were going to blow up and possibly not be able to walk away from class with just the help of herself, all ever since Snape – _Oh gods. He's doing this. Why didn't I think of this earlier? _Hermione thought.

_Probably because you were overrun with pleasure, still are, and you better not stop this,_ Hermione's randy thoughts shot back.

_You better watch who you're talking to or else I'll sic Filch on you,_ her more coherent thoughts yelled back. The randy thoughts cowered away in a corner.

_I've got to stop this. I just, I just can't allow it. _An idea popped into Hermione's head. _You must have used this spell, whatever you have on me, Snape, and used it on yourself last lesson. That explains how you knew I bit it, you bastard! _ She subtly put her left hand on one of the doll's arms. _You better watch out, you're in for a mouthful. _She whispered, "Male."

Snape had this unusual sensation that there was no longer flesh surrounding his tongue, but rather his mouth surrounding growing flesh. The rocking movements had now become thrusts, which caused Snape to open his eyes. He began to gag as he realized the doll was fucking his face with a fully erect penis.

Hermione covered her mouth as she shrieked with laughter as Snape's screams were muffled by the doll's forceful and fierce thrusts. The doll's grip around his head was so strong that the blasted thing pulled out some of his hair when he was able to remove one of the hands. He groaned when the doll shoved itself in his face one last time to reach completion. Only after it spurted its strawberry mousse flavoured semen completely in Snape's mouth did it willingly remove itself, falling back onto the table lifeless as ever.

Hermione, no longer caring to realize her own completion, was doubled over, clutching her sides, roaring with laughter. When she looked up, still plagued with the giggles, she saw Snape the fiercest she had ever seen him. He was breathing heavy, hair all out of place; his eyes looked as if he could shoot lasers from them, and his mouth… Oh gods, his mouth had cum dribble at both corners. Hermione stopped laughing immediately and jumped out of her seat, and darted towards the door. She was too slow; Snape grabbed her by the arms and threw her to the side of the table she left.

She clasped the edge and grimaced as he came closer, bracing herself with whatever hex he should throw at her. He grabbed her by the arms again and shook her as he yelled, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?"

She released the table and brought one cautionary finger up to his face, "Oh, no you don't! You put a spell on me to feel your – your – down there!" She pointed down to her hips. "And now I know how you knew how I bit the penis!"

Snape, still looking livid as fuck, picked her up and sat her down on the table making her near eye-level with him. "That still doesn't give you the right to use my devices against me, Miss Granger! 40 points from Gryffindor for misconduct with a Professor's equipment!"

Hermione scoffed, "Piss off! If anything, I certainly did misconduct with a Professor's 'equipment' last class." She glared challengingly back at Snape's unrelenting black gaze.

He grabbed her chestnut mane with one hand and wrapped his other around her waist, Snape said in a low, dangerous voice, "I'll show you misconduct," and then he crashed lips onto hers. She snaked her arms around his neck and pushed into him, causing him to groan. He ran the tip of his tongue across her full lips, begging entrance. She parted them and captured his tongue with hers, strawberry mousse enveloping the two.

Snape retreated unwillingly from Hermione's luscious mouth to breathe. In a ragged voice, he rasped, "Legs, Miss Granger."

"What about them?" She replied, before wrapping them around his waist. Her skirt gave way as she pulled him to her and gasped as she felt his arousal; he growled as he bent over her, taking her mouth. He pushed the doll off of the table and shelled Hermione's body with his own. The two kissed each other hungrily and groped desperately, both severely deprived of the sexual release they knew that only the other could provide.

A voice in Snape's head screamed, _THE PLAN! DON'T FORGET THE PLAN!_

His randy thought spat, _Fuck it, like I'm going to fuck her. _

The logical thought replied, _You plan on deflowering her on a table in the Potions classroom? Come on, man. We can 'work up' to that, which you will do in a bed instead of on a table. _

'_Work up to,' then, _the randy thought asked. The thought figured out what the logical one was leading to. _Hmm, that's a fine idea. _

Snape tore his mouth from hers and looked at her as she moaned in protest. Her eyes were half-lidded and staring at him in way that begged him to continue. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were bruised sweetly and delectably swollen. It took all of his willpower to not continue.

"Miss Granger – Hermione," he said, "I think it's time we tested your knowledge in Sexual Education." She bit her lip.

"Sir?"

"Next class, we will have a test going over your 'handiwork'," Snape said with a smirk as he lifted himself and Hermione effortlessly from the table.

Hermione nodded dumbly while she was directed to the door by Snape. He looked her over to check if she was acceptable to go back to her rooms. He wiped away the doll cum that had smeared inadvertently round her mouth during their heated embrace together. Other than her skirt being a bit crumpled and her hair out of order (it rarely ever was in order per se, but nevertheless…), he deemed her fit to leave. She leaned into him and tried to steal a kiss, which he stopped by placing his slender finger on her lips.

"All in good time," he whispered. He lifted the wards and that little charm from earlier off of her and nudged her out into the corridor. "Good evening, Miss Granger."

He closed the door on her as she stood dumbfounded and rooted to the spot, unsure of what had happened and what was to follow.

* * *

heeheehehehe :D 


	8. Voyeur

Thanks: sexii-severus (I'm glad my writing is jsut that good!), Vonlan, Seph 7 (cliff monster is my middle name), Akito no K-Chan (thanks I try ), litlegreenpeas, Heidi191976, Angelic Bladez, Skittles1493, Antigonesev, Jacksmybitch (Yes! punches the air in triumph), villafoo, seve-suzie, the-lady-layla, Korquee (hope this brought your day up to a record sky-high), schmexybella, sshortblnd, xoJessieox, Artemis-Eureka, shorttrees007, SilverGhostKitsune, Megan Consoer!!!!

A/N: I'm so sorry about the long wait. A lot of stuff has happened. Not too mention a bit of writer's block. I hope you enjoy this chapter, which reminds me, if you're young and impressionable, don't read this.

-The only thing I stole is this computer I stole-

* * *

Snape closed his door on his only student of the Night and let out a long sigh. He leaned against the door and chuckled to himself as he relived the whole class in his mind.

"Well, that was a successful session," Snape muttered to himself.

"I agree," a voice rang throughout the somewhat empty classroom.

"Fuck me, Merlin!" Snape yelled out in surprise and bonked his head on the door. The shock had thoroughly scared his erection away.

"Oh, Severus, I never thought you to be one to bat for the other team," Albus said merrily as he took off his disillusionment charm. Snape could have sworn he saw the Headmaster's eyes twinkle before he took the charm off.

Snape scowled at his uninvited visitor, "How _long_ exactly have you been there, you meddling old fool?"

"Oh, I don't know… Since Miss Granger was pacing outside your door, wondering if she should attend class tonight or not. I'd say she was rather glad she did." Snape's scowl disappeared.

"You were here – the entire time?"

"Let's say I wanted to see how you approached Sexual Education."

"So you saw… all of that?"

"All of it. Interesting method, Severus; the doll is genius." Albus smiled at him.

Snape swallowed visibly. He didn't know what to say, he just looked at the Headmaster, preparing himself to be sacked. The silence in the room had become uncomfortable for Snape, who was sure he was blushing. The sound of rustling fabric as Snape fidgeted under Dumbledore's gaze permeated the still room.

"My favorite part was when she switched the gender on you, Severus," Albus shot out laughing heartily. "You should've seen the look on your face." Albus then tried to imitate it.

Snape's mouth dropped open at Dumbledore. Then anger coursed through his body; _of course, the Headmaster would laugh at that. I'm going to rip off his penis and shove it in his mouth, so he can see how it feels. _

"Why are you laughing?!" Snape roared. "Aren't you going to dismiss me? After what I had just done with Hermione? STOP LAUGHING!"

Albus wiped away tear, "Of course not. Why would I want to fire you?"

"I acted inappropriately with a student…" Snape's statement died away as he continued to look at his employer in utter disbelief.

"You were doing your job as far as I can tell; just as you said, you were teaching her about sex."

"You're telling me that – you're ok – with this?"

"Well, I must say I was disappointed that you didn't exactly stay on course with I wanted to be taught, you actually demonstrated them, but you did teach the required potions to know. And this is only the first year! We can perfect this class next semester; we will need to add more potions to this regimen."

"Wait a second, what do you mean 'next semester'? As far as I am concerned, this is a semester-long class."

"Yes, Severus, and there are two semesters in a year of schooling," his eyes twinkled.

Snape groaned, "You do not actually expect me to teach this class any longer than I have to, do you?"

"Of course, you will finish up this year and I will hire someone else to take over next year."

Snape sighed in relief. "Thank the Gods – "

"But for the next semester, what has happened between you and Miss Granger will not happen again with another student."

"I didn't plan on it, Albus."

"What happened between the two of you? Or doing it again with other students?" Albus' question stunned Snape for a second and thought his next choice of words carefully.

"I meant for the latter, Albus. I'm certain no child will want to learn about sex from me, other than the Know-It-All. But what has developed between – Hermione and I – I never really thought it would become anything."

"So the two of you are something?" Albus arched his brow.

"I didn't say that."

"But you did."

"No, I didn't, you blasted fool," Snape spat. The Headmaster knew otherwise, but would let his Potions Master find out for himself.

"Whatever you say, Severus. Just that if you two were – something – there would be nothing wrong with it. She's of age, untouched," Albus stopped to wink at Snape, "by Wizarding Law due to it." Snape narrowed his gaze at the old man.

"If you continue your 'lessons' with Miss Granger after this class has ended, Severus; please keep it quiet," Albus patted Snape on the shoulder and nudged him out of the way. "Other than that, jolly good class! Good evening, Severus." He opened the door and walked out.

Snape stared at the door completely blown away by what had just happened. The Headmaster found out what really went down in Sexual Education, thought it was interesting, and permitted Snape to continue his blossoming taboo relationship with Hermione.

"What a night," Snape whispered to himself. He smiled, "Time to plan out the next lesson."

* * *

Hermione sat at her desk, chewing on her quill, trying to conclude her Potions essay. It took her two days to get this far when normally it would only take her two hours. She had to take breaks from the essay to do other homework or merely unwind. Simply because every time she tried to write her essay, she thought of him. She thought of her Professor Snape crushing embrace and the heat of his arousal against hers. The memories so intense, not even Filch could put out the fire. He used her given name before he dismissed her. She wondered what it would sound like in the throws of passion.

She took a deep breath, set down her quill and rubbed at her eyes. She could tell the conclusion would have to wait until she could clear her mind. She set off for the Common Room. A little talk with the boys would set her straight for sure.

_That's odd_, Hermione thought, _I was sure they came back from Quidditch Practice. _ She looked around once more, _Oh gods, no. _ Lavender Brown was making her way towards Hermione.

"Hermione!" Lavender shouted shrilly. Hermione grimaced at the pitch of her voice.

"Hello, Lavender," Hermione smiled meekly.

"So… How's Sex-Ed going?" Lavender questioned innocently. But Hermione knew, when it comes to Lavender, there is nothing innocent about anything.

"Oh, well, you know the usual. He's the same in every class."

"Learn anything?"

"I learned how to make a contraceptive potion," Hermione quipped. It really was the last thing she learned… in a way.

"Oh, how – interesting," Lavender looked a little crestfallen.

"Why? What did you think I would learn?" Hermione arched an eyebrow at her classmate.

"I don't know, maybe something like, how to be a better…"

"Better what?"

"Lover."

Hermione blinked at her. "You know that's not what Sexual Education is all about. It's to educate you in taking precautions, being safe as you can be in such a vulnerable, physical situation." _But of course in my class, I end up blowing my professor vicariously through a dummy, _Hermione thought, _Now that I think about it, he ended up blowing me too. _ Hermione had an unusual look of confusion on her face, which received a frightened expression from Lavender.

"Are you all right, Hermione?"

Hermione shook herself from her daze and stared at Lavender, before abruptly bursting out in laughter. Still giggling, she replied, "Oh yes, never better. I think I am going to go finish my essay." She walked away from the bewildered Lavender, planning out the conclusion to her assignment all along the way.

The next day, Hermione made sure she was the last one to turn in her assignment in Double Potions. Snape always checked hers first anyway. When the class started on their potion, 10 minutes in an audible gasp resonated throughout the classroom, which was followed by a cough.

"What are you dunderheads looking at? Get back to your potions," Snape spat. His gaze fell on Hermione who was staring intently at her cauldron, stifling her laughter. She knew that he had read the last bit of her paper:

"… Therefore by adding the mandrake root completes the Restoring Relaxant for the Wizard or Witches who are afflicted by epileptic seizures. The only question that still needs answering is if you had some of the relaxant, would you have gagged so much during that deep throat action the other night?"

Hermione couldn't help but smile as she brewed her potion, unaware of her Professor's threatening gaze. Finally, after half an hour had passed, Snape stalked over to Hermione and peered over her shoulder. He leaned in close and his lips hovered centimeters away from her ear, knowing full well that none of his students would pay him any attention, because they did not want to receive attention from him.

His voice was low and incredibly silky, "Miss Granger, about your paper…"

"Yes, sir," Hermione replied in a low whisper. She could feel the warmth of his body so closely; she was about ready to melt.

"I don't need a relaxant, the question is: Do you?" Snape blew softly into her ear; Hermione shuddered. "But I guess I will find out all in due time won't I, Miss Granger?" He sniffed in her scent then stalked back over to his desk.

Hermione breathed deeply trying to force her body to forget his warmth. She could barely stir her potion steadily; her hand was shaking so much. Ron and Harry gave each other worried glances, misunderstanding her unsteady hand for anger.

Ooh, she could hardly wait for Tuesday to come round.

And come round it did. She has never had a more mind-numbingly randy week pass by so slowly. Her patience was wearing so thin she was seriously considering skipping dinner to start off her Sex-Ed class, but she had to save _some_ face while around Snape. No need to seem too earnest.

"Odd…" the door to the classroom was ajar. She pushed it open, it creaked more than usual, "Professor?"

She stepped into the classroom and closed the door. _Maybe he's late,_ she thought. She perked up when she heard a cluttering noise.

"In here, Miss Granger," a muffled baritone voice called out from within Snape's office, which was wide open.

As she entered his office, she noticed the lighting was much more mellow and warm. There was a huge desk and a deep brown leather chair to match. Books lined the walls of his office, it was almost suffocating… _almost_. The sound of the door slamming startled Hermione. She whirled around to see her Professor dressed down in a white undershirt and black trousers. Her eyes practically jumped out of her sockets when she saw his lean, sculpted figure. His shoulders were broad, and his muscles were well defined, even underneath his shirt. If it weren't for his teaching robes, she would have seen his small waist and muscled legs long ago.

_Being a spy for so long, kept him in shape no doubt,_ Hermione unconsciously licked her lips, as Snape put up the wards to his office and a few silencing charms.

He smirked then divestoed Hermione of her robes leaving her in just her school uniform. Before she could say anything, he pushed her onto his sofa. Her hair flared out beneath her and her arms rested above her head, which caused her shirt to become un-tucked, revealing some of her stomach; her skirt riding up her thigh ever so slightly. He wanted to see more, but he was saving that treat for next class. _Oh, happy day, happy day,_ he chanted.

"I believe it's time we begun with your test, Miss Granger," Snape growled as he bent and crawled over Hermione's figure. He stopped when he met her face to face; he rested beside her, supporting his weight with his elbow.

"And what would that be, sir?" Hermione asked, her voice cracked with apprehension. She was beginning to feel a little bit scared. _I am not too sure if I am ready to lose my virginity on a sofa in my Professor's office… with my Professor._

"Mutual masturbation," Snape murmured. Hermione was not able to get a word out as Snape silenced her mouth with his. The force he used to capture her lips made her gasp in pain; he stole the opportunity to deepen the kiss, causing Hermione to moan. Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and threw her leg over his waist protectively. Snape groaned at her movements, before growling, "Touch me, Hermione."

Hermione looked at Snape with longing and fear. She let her hands roam over his back and over his stomach. Snape growled again and slipped his hand beneath her shirt, hoping she would get the idea. She gasped as she felt him pinch her bra-clad nipple. He rewarded her with a rare smile and then took her mouth with his again.

Hermione wanted to feel more, more of him. She snaked her hand underneath his shirt and felt the outline of his stomach. She followed the trail of wispy hair up his torso and found his nipple, which she rolled beneath her finger; Snape groaned in her mouth. He nearly bit her lip when he felt her other hand firmly grasp the bulge in his trousers and begun to massage it through the fabric.

_It seems_, Snape thought, _that Miss Granger is ready to begin. _He released her nipple from his nimble fingers and caressed his way down to her thigh. The length of his arm allowed him to begin a trail from just above her knee. He stroked her inner thigh, which left her shivering underneath his hand as he grew nearer to her core. Her back arched and her hips bucked as his index finger ran along the slit of her opening through her panties; he chuckled at their wetness.

Hermione couldn't stand the pleasure he was giving her as he pushed aside her underwear and began to rub along her nether lips. She bit his neck as she unbuttoned his trousers and took hold of his pulsing member in her hands. Before she could get a look, Snape used his free hand to grasp her chin and force her to look into his eyes.

"Eyes up here, Miss Granger. _That_ is for next class," he purred. "And I forgot to mention to you that underwear from this point is _optional_." He smiled deviously at her before licking at her lips and pushing one slender finger into her heat.

Her delicious moan was muffled by his mouth once more. He paused his ministrations to thrust against her hands to remind her that she was still holding him. Hermione used one hand to stroke his member slowly, in time with his stokes; the other, she used to massage his sac. Hermione took his breathy grunts as approval and increased her tempo.

The two lied beside each other their arms and legs entwined; barely connected at their mouths, their lips hovered over each other; their eyes drunk with lust, half-lidded in pleasure. Snape was amazed he had lasted this long, Hermione was surprised she hadn't fainted yet.

Snape wanted to feel more of her, so he flipped her around so her back faced him. He reached over so that one hand massaged her breast and the other was buried in her panties, feverishly plummeting her depths.

"Ohh… Se - Severusss," Hermione moaned loudly. She reached around to try and grasp his aching member.

"More, more, my name rolling off your lips is more than I can take," Snape said as he licked the shell of her ear. He growled as Hermione rubbed her bum against his member. "Careful, Hermione," he purred dangerously, "or I might take you from behind."

"If only I were so lucky…" she tilted her head back to kiss him.

Snape removed his hand from her breast and placed it on her hip, pushing her hard against his loins so he could grind against her firm ass. He timed his strokes with his movements to imitate what it could be like if it was not his hand. Hermione writhed beautifully beneath him and chanted his name between gasps of pleasure, until it seemed her breath was caught in her throat. The walls of her slick channel began to clamp down on him. He wanted to watch the orgasm he gave her wash over her body; the contorted expression on her face and the display of her pulling on her nipple had made him come hard against her back. He groaned her name in the thick of her hair.

He looked over to see that Hermione had fallen asleep, completely sated and exhausted. Snape removed his hand to scourgify the both of them. He buttoned up his trousers and smoothed out Hermione's skirt.

"I wonder how well you'll do next Tuesday," Snape whispered, smiling smugly to himself. Hermione fidgeted and sighed. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him before falling asleep himself.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it like they did 


	9. Delusions Tick Of Tick Grandeur Tick

A/N: There were so many peeps that reviewed after the so called "chapter 9". Thanks for your enouragement! I don't plan on ending this within a few more chapters, at least I don't believe so. My store's closing so I'm being forced to work more than I want to (which is why I am quitting, I need a break anyway. I've worked there for 2 1/2 yrs, why not?) College is definitely more than what I expected. And a lot of little things happened like fixing my comp, the end of my relationship, saving a kitty from being run over in a heavy traffic zone, homework assignments, etc. I know, I know, useless excuses. But, seriously, I've been working on it slowly, but surely. I'm gonna make sure I finish this for you guys, you've all been so wonderful to wait. Well, there you go. The real Chapter 9.

-The only thing I own is this computer I stole-

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Chapter 9: Delusions... _Tick_... of... _Tick_... Grandeur..._Tick_... 

The smell of grass and earth engulfed Hermione's senses as a bird's call echoed in the distance. She found herself lying in the middle of a long, vast prairie bordered by a dense forest. She squinted her eyes when the setting blood-red sun had managed to blind her as she stirred. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes.

"What? Where the devil is my uniform?" she asked herself as she glanced down at her attire: a silk lilac sundress… and _only_ a silk lilac sundress. Hermione still confused, began to examine her surroundings as apprehension sank in. Despite the beauty of the landscape, she was still just another lost girl with no knickers and no wand.

The sky was a warm pink under the threat of nightfall as a cool violet encircled, drowning the warmth. Hermione shuddered and clutched her arms. The grass in the field was of the darkest green and barely reaching her shoulders. The long grass rippled in waves as the breeze washed over her.

"It should be colder than this, it is November…" Hermione's thought had trailed away when billowing smoke rose from the other side of the forest caught her attention: a sign of possible human life? Not wanting to waste another second, she picked herself up and dashed to the edge in hopes of finding out what exactly happened.

"Argh, I don't understand. I was sleeping on the couch, next thing I know, I wake up in the middle of nowhere. If this is what happens when you masturbate with your partner then I am never doing it again!" A thorn grazed along her forearm. "OH! Damn it, if this is some prank Professor Snape is playing on me, I swear on Merlin's dried up sac I'll kill him."

Hermione vented to no one in particular as she trudged along in the heavy thicket towards her destination. She cursed whenever she stubbed her toe on a trunk or stepped on a jagged rock. The slowly-setting sun barely made its way through the trees limiting Hermione's sight, until finally; she could see a fire roaring through the darkness. Growing nearer to the clearing next to the bank of a small river, she stopped herself from yelling for help and instead observed her company.

"Hmm… All that is here is a fire," Hermione said to herself. "Where could its maker be?"

There was no tent, just a log beside the fire. It had a pair of dark leather trousers thrown across it alongside a cream-coloured blouse. Hermione's ears perked when she heard the distinct sound of splashing. Oh, what a sight.

"Amazing…"

Her mouth fell open to the sight of a beautifully built man. His long, dirty-blonde hair cascaded over his broad, sun-kissed, muscled chest. The unknown man's huge arms flexed as his hands washed away dirt from his hard golden body. She couldn't see his face due to the fact it was hidden in the shadows, but if she didn't know any better, it was most likely Fabio.

"This almost looks like a cover for one of those romance novels," Hermione whispered in the shadows. Whenever she would go back home to see her parents, one of the places she would always visit would be the bookstore. Hermione would skim through a few of the novels and giggle at some of the passages, but was never bold enough to buy one.

The man began to move further down the stream.

_If only I could get a little closer…_ Hermione thought as she leaned over the thicket hiding her. _ Just a little bit more._

She unfortunately stepped on an especially jagged rock.

"OH!"

There goes a peeping Hermione.

"Merlin's beard!" Hermione gasped as she felt thorns dig into her thin attire and graze her side.

There goes the sundress.

'Fabio' stopped himself from washing after a loud ripping sound and a soft thud caught his attention. Hermione sat up and lightly touched her raw-now-bare skin.

"Shit!" she whispered to herself in despair. Not only did she not have knickers in the wilderness, but she tore the one thing protecting her body in order to do what? Peep.

"Great. Just perfect. The bloody thing has nearly been torn in half. Now I am going to get ravaged for sure," Hermione did a double- take on her choice of words. "Ravaged? What the – Oh sh- "

"It appears there is a Peeping Tom," 'Fabio's heavily accented voice called out as he stepped onto the bank. Hermione clung to her pathetic sundress and frantically looked around.

_Maybe it won't be so bad_, Hermione thought to herself.

"If I should find a trapped little bird playing where it shouldn't, I may have to punish it."

_Maybe not_.

Deciding it would be better to face 'Fabio' head on; she hung tightly to her dress and jumped out, her hair in disarray. At first, a nervous smile had occupied her face as she hastily greeted her pursuer hidden in the shadows. And then she noticed he was nude.

"Oh…"

"My, my, what a pretty birdie I've found here," he purred as he inched closer to Hermione, his golden hand stretched out before her. Hermione found herself clutching the tattered dress to her as anxiety built up in her chest more so than ever before. The face of 'Fabio' had finally emerged from the shadows.

"No," Hermione rasped, "No, it cannot be. Not – not you!" Her eyes bulged as she looked him over. "Not with a bloody body like that!"

"Hullo, my sweet," the face of Argus Filch whispered before he lunged for Hermione, whom had narrowly evaded his attack by jumping to the side and rolling towards the fire. She reached for one of the logs and hefted it above her head. She struggled to keep her dress in place with one hand and the blazing piece of lumber in the other.

The crackling of the embers and the cackling of Fabio-Filch echoed in the air as Hermione searched for an escape route. Her eyes bounced to and fro frantically searching. Fabio-Filch approached Hermione ever so slowly as his crazy eyes bulged out of his face. Then a distant noise caught his attention, distant, but catching up quickly. He stopped and slowly looked toward the awkward roaring, buzzing noise coming from behind the thicket. Slowly, he turned his head, his eyes still in his otherwise twitching face.

For a brief moment, there was silence. Even Hermione had become attracted to the curious noise. The two waited, patiently, soundlessly.

Hermione gasped, completely taken by surprise, as a slick black blur broke through the thicket. The blur ran over Fabio-Filch so fast that he had no time to scream, let alone react. The blur had come to a screeching halt, a trail of glistening, red blood following close.

_What a harsh way to die; being run over while nude, _Hermione cringed at the thought. She tore herself away from the mangled body of Fabio-Filch and gazed at her savior, who was seated on a jet black Harley Davidson.

"Holy shit."

His back towards her, he was covered head-to-toe in leather – _tight_ – black leather, with small metal spikes adorning his trench coat, running along the outer length of his arms. He kicked out the kickstand with his worn, metal-tipped, black boots that poked out from beneath his leather pants and leaned with the slick bike. He brought his leg over and turned curtly around causing the trench coat to whip around, his lank, black velvet-like hair followed suit. Her savior stood as a black silhouette in front of the blood-red sun and red, orange, hot pink backdrop of a sky. She squinted but like before, his face was hidden in the shadows.

Hermione took a step towards the dark stranger, still clutching her tattered dress. _Good Gods, look at that chest,_ Hermione thought, _at that stomach._ It took her a second to tear her eyes away from what the open trench coat did not hide. His chest was peppered with black hair that met together to make a trail down his taut stomach.

_Ok, ok, enough of that, that's what got me into trouble in the first place,_ Hermione reasoned. The closer she approached him, the more the shadows lifted from his face. First a pointed chin; then thin, firm lips were revealed. A little more and a hooked nose; and finally, his eyes, his deep, deep eyes had been exposed. Hermione shuddered in relief and let out a deep breath.

"Severus…" She whispered almost in disbelief. She smiled and ran into her Professor's arms. Hermione pulled him to her tightly and laughed as tears streamed down. She held him tighter as she felt his large hands accept her in an almost crushing embrace. Hermione burrowed her face into his bare chest, breathing in his scent.

She looked up to him and locked onto his black eyes. A cool breeze disturbed the trees causing leaves to fly by the motionless couple. Severus lowered his mouth as Hermione slowly stood on the tip of her toes, her eyes watching his lips.

Now, Hermione was not quite sure if it was the heat of the moment, or an involuntary action, but as she closed her eyes she whispered "_I love you,"_ and awaited his kiss in darkness.

The clock's ticking disturbed the silence in the candle-lit room, which had inadvertently awakened Snape. He could feel he was going to have a horrible crick in his neck for the next couple of hours to come. "_Blasted contemporary__sofa,"_ he hissed as he rubbed the back of his neck. Snape could barely fit lying down on the walnut Victorian sofa as his feet dangled off the side.

_Tick, tick, tick…_

_Wait a second, why am I sleeping down here in the first place, _Snape thought to himself, his eyes still closed due to the fact he was still affected by his drowsiness. His long nose was tickled by something fuzzy that smelled of jasmine and noticed a warm weight was pushed up against him, something he was previously – holding?

_Tick, tick, tick…_

Snape began to wonder if he should go through all the trouble to find out what it was after he was certain he would not be able to shake off his sleepy haze.

_Tick, tick, tick…_

_It's probably nothing_, he thought and threw his arm over the mass, _that's odd._ The warm mass snuggled up against him.

_Tick, tick, tick…_

"_I love you…"_ the warm mass whispered.

_Tick, tick, tick…_

"Mm hmm," Snape sleepily replied and snuggled closer.

His eyes flew open in horror in time with the chimes of the clock. It echoed in his ears and his brow twitched with each chime. He remembered what happened the night before. Now he knew why was sleeping on the tiny sofa; now he knew what the fuzzy, jasmine-smelling thing belonged to; now he knew who the warm mass was – Hermione.

He pushed himself away from her thinking, _How could I be so careless? _ He fell to the floor not taking his eyes off of Hermione as if she were a rabid dog.

The disturbance on the sofa and in the room in general, had woken Hermione abruptly. She looked at her surroundings puzzled, expecting to see trees and a shabby campfire. Instead she found herself on a dark green Victorian sofa and her potions professor glaring at her from the floor. She shook her head at him almost in disbelief as she saw anger contort his hidden face.

"Get _out…_" Snape rasped. _How could I let it come to this?_

"What? What did I – ?" Hermione sputtered.

"GET OUT!!" His hair fell into his face as he shouted. _What the bloody hell am I doing? _

Hermione's eyes swelled with tears. She clutched her un-tucked shirt to herself and ran away from Snape's stony glare. She slammed the door shut to his classroom, saving her tears until she was out of sight. Snape could hear her sobs echo through the confines of his dark office. _She doesn't… does she? _

_Tick…_

_She can't. _

_Tick…_

_She won't. _

_Tick…_

_She never will._

_Tick, tick, tick…_

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A/N: Review!!! D_  
_


	10. Planning

The sound of snowfall could be heard from within Hermione's room in her home away from wizarding home. Lying on her back and staring at the ceiling, she took a deep breath when she finally controlled her tears. She encompassed herself in her royal blue velvet comforter on her twin size bed. She thought to herself:

Inhale.

Exhale.

Repeat.

Hermione stared out the window seeing only grey and a few floating white specks.

_How is it that I have fallen so far_, she thought to herself, _why does it hurt so much?_

A blurry vision of Snape on the floor seeped into her brain. His gaze, his heartless gaze seemed to burn her retinas. A fresh batch of tears welled up in Hermione's eyes.

"Miserable bastard," she hissed. "Not only did he break my heart, he – he fucking failed me!"

Oh yes, he failed her. Not in potions, but in Sex-Ed. Her last 'class' discouraged her from showing up, thinking perhaps he would cancel it. But sure enough, the bastard she knew Snape to be took that golden opportunity to flunk Gryffindor's princess.

"Fuck it," her tears had stopped and a wave of anger took her, "I am going to get him, leave him wanting until he cannot take it anymore and will have no other choice but to take me."

She smiled deviously as a seduction plan blossomed in her pretty little head.

"Hermy, dear!" her mother shouted. Hermione woke from revenge-filled reverie.

"You better get going, if you want to make it to the Burrow in time!"

"Thanks, mum!" She jumped to her feet, mentally checking off her items as she hastily threw on her robes. She double checked if she had gotten all of her gifts, but stopped herself. That was the reason why she started crying in the first place; he was going to be there.

She took a deep breath, knowing she would have to get him a gift. It was essential to her plan. But what to get him? A certain red-head would be able to help her.

After arriving at the Burrow and the very loud, wholesome greeting from the Weasley family and Harry, Hermione bustled up to her room to put away her things. She jumped in surprise as she heard the door slam. Ginny stood before her with a slightly lopsided smile and concerned gaze.

"Oh, Ginny, you scared me!" Hermione sighed. She felt apprehensive under the younger girl's scrutiny. "What? Is there a bogey?"

Hermione began to rub at her face vigorously, feeling the all too familiar sensation of hot prickling at her eyelids. Ginny rushed to her friend and embraced her.

"So, who is the stupid bloke that broke your heart?" Ginny casually asked.

"That obvious, huh?" Hermione sniffed.

"Well, you locked yourself away before break. I never got the chance to talk to you. And if you don't mind me saying, you look like you were trampled by a herd of hippogriffs when you first stepped in."

"Your brash honesty is as refreshing as ever, Ginny," Hermione half-giggled, half-sobbed to her red-headed friend.

"It's because my brothers are idiots," Ginny smiled. "Now, no side stepping, who is he and why is he an ass?"

Hermione hardly knew where to begin.

"Well, you may not believe it, but," Hermione began to grimace, "Severus Snape."

Ginny stared at Hermione for a solid minute. The girl furrowed her brow, nodded, and then blurted, "Sorry?"

After a long, confusing hour, Hermione told the younger girl all of the gory details, right down to the strawberry mousse. Eventually, Hermione came to the conclusion that she was in love with Professor Snape. She snorted at her density when she finally realized it.

"It is kind of surprising, isn't it?" Hermione thought aloud, as she hugged her pillow. "At first, it was sex, sex, sex and the pain of being rejected. But, this pain has grown into something new and unexpected. I want him, all of him."

Ginny took it all in stride and never questioned her friend's love for the Professor. The heart knows what it desires.

"So," Ginny started, "What's the plan?"

Hermione smiled widely; thoroughly enjoyed the red-head would help her in her plight for the dour man's heart.

A haze of vibrant red and bouncing chestnut curls bounded past the kitchen to the front door.

"Mum!" Ginny cried. "Hermione and I are going out to lunch, we'll be back later!"

Molly Weasley looked up from her many dishes in time to see the door slam shut.

"Really," the mother sighed, "When those two want to be somewhere, they'll never give you a chance to answer."

"Did you say something, dear?" her husband asked.

"Oh, read your paper," the red-headed Matriarch replied.

"Yes, dear," The man smirked.

Hermione dutifully followed Ginny to their destination after picking up a quick bite to eat. Ginny never disappoints.

"Here we are, the Crock Pot," Ginny smiled.

Hermione looked the building over and felt apprehensive of its, well, normalcy.

"You are sure this is the right place?" Hermione asked skeptically.

"Very sure, Hermione. Come on!"

The door jingled as the two girls walked in, taking in the wares. Pots. Everywhere there were... pots.

"Hello, girls, what can I help you with today?" the shop owner queried.

He looked like he was in thirties, had curly blonde hair, and cloudy blue eyes. His rounded face looked so much like a cherub, you could not help but trust him.

"Well," the younger witch started, "My pot, you see, it's really dirty."

Hermione looked at Ginny warily. The younger girl basically purred to him.

"Oh? And how dirty is dirty, little girl?" The shop owner replied with a fiendish grin. Maybe it was easy not to trust this man.

"So dirty, it begins to rub off on me," Ginny winked.

The man smiled a boyish smile and motioned for the two to follow.

"Right this way, ladies."

"What the devil was that?" Hermione whispered.

"He runs two businesses, Hermione. You have to say a password - if you will - to get to the back. See, the front is a very respectable trade dealing with pots. And the back," Ginny paused to look at the new, indecent wares on the walls and shelves. "Well, the back is not."

"Oh, dear." Hermione was taken aback by the man's selection.

"Tell me if you need help with anything or have any questions, I'll be up at the front." The man left.

Ginny drifted off to what looked like perfume and Hermione took a closer look at the items. One wall was covered in whips that varied in length, feathers, and beads. Next to the whips were silver handcuffs, furry pink handcuffs, edible handcuffs. Ball and gag. Nipple clamps. A sightless mask with an O shaped opening over the mouth. Horse costumes, cowgirl costumes, maiden costumes. Leather, ass-less chaps. Leather panties with a zipper going all the way down the crotch. And last but not least, crotchless panties.

Hermione shuddered, unsure if it was in disgust or anticipation. To think all of this on one wall. Hermione looked for Ginny when she heard her giggle. The girl was playing with a dildo, Good Lord.

"Look, it moves around by itself," she tittered.

One of the display dildos Ginny was playing with was bright neon green, filled with beads that moved inside the dildo. The mostrous thing rolled over as if it was dog, slowly going around in a circle.

Hermione had to laugh herself, it looked pretty ridiculous.

"So," the Weasley girl asked, Have you found something for him? Maybe one of these fine dildos, here? Maybe, a dildo on a stick. Or perhaps this dinky one. Whoa, look, at this monster, it's double-ended and 34 inches long! You think, Snape would want this big black cock in him?"

"Gods, I hope not!" Hermione gagged.

"Well, it has to be something to embarrass him. But we don't want him to think that you got it for him. At first, that is," She smiled.

"I guess, I could get him the paddle..." Hermione looked to Ginny.

"Still want it charmed?" Ginny's eyes twinkled with unsurpassed joy.

"Let's get one that will hurt," Hermione smiled back at her co-conspirator.

The girls grabbed a medium-sized paddle that was about foot and a half long and a half foot wide; one side was slightly cushioned with dark brown leather, the word "naughty" engraved in white, and on the plain wooden side the word "naughtier" was engraved in black. Satisfied with their choice they took it to the front. The owner smiled warmly at them.

"Find everything you needed?" He asked.

"Definitely!" Ginny chirped. "I'll be getting this perfume and she'd like this whip, please."

Hermione blushed as the owner glanced at her. His gaze seemed to take on a heated look.

"Right," the man said, "Since it's the Eve, I'll give you girls 20% off."

Ginny cheered as she paid for her product, while Hermione continued to blush fiercely under the owner's gaze.

The man put the items in black bags with the store's name on it. As the girls were about to leave, the shop owner called out to them.

"Miss, are you sure you know how to use that?"

Ginny stepped before Hermione could stutter a response.

"Oh, I'll teach her, don't worry," she winked, "Happy Christmas!"

The girls left giggling and ready to begin Hermione's plan.

Dinner rolled around and past, leaving Hermione slightly disappointed to leave the Burrow seeing how she just got there. But they were right, 12 Grimmauld Place was significantly bigger for such a large gathering tomorrow.

_Tomorrow. He's already there._

Hermione tried to calm her breathing as she realized they would be in the same building, perhaps just a few rooms apart.

_The plan, think of the plan. It will work. Just need time._

Hermione buried the anxiety deep within the recesses of her chest and left through the floo. The Weasley family, including Harry and Hermione, arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place and was greeted by the Order in happy spirits. As the entire Order talked and reveled at being reunited with friends and loved ones, Hermione's heart ached. She could hardly take their happiness without feeling the urge to cry. It was heartwarming to see everyone's expression during this joyous time, but it was also heartbreaking to see the man clad in black, a tumbler full of bronze liquid between two pale fingers, sat with his back to the merry crowd. No one had even acknowledged him.

Hermione sniffled and her anger began to build, _It's his own fault anyway._

"My dear," a familiar voice beckoned.

"Oh," Hermione turned to see the warm face of her beloved Headmaster, "Oh, sir. Happy Christmas to you!" The young lady encircled her arms around Dumbledore and laughed, a few tears had escaped her eyes. She pulled away to see his eyes twinkling.

"You look lovely," Dumbledore whispered, pulling out a handkerchief to bring to her cheek. "I must say I was surprised to see that Professor Snape failed you. Any particular reason why?"

"I – I just felt a little uncomfortable, err, about the material," Hermione replied, looking about the room.

"Oh, I see. Do you plan on trying again? From what I understand, another student has signed up for the class. Perhaps you will feel better with a class mate?"

"Um," Hermione bit her lip, unsure what to say. I'm certain I'd feel even more uncomfortable with another person there.

"If you take the class again and ace it, which I'm sure you will, it will replace the failing grade. I will make sure of it," the old man winked.

"Well then, sir. Add me to the roster," Hermione beamed.

AN: It has been a while. I want to finish this story. Soooo, yah. 8)


	11. Piddle Paddle

Twelve Grimmauld Place creaked in the silent night, ever so slightly swaying to the snores of its inhabitants. The night trickled away as a faint glow permeated the old place and the inhabitants one by one began to descend the squeaky stairs as aromatic scent of bacon and eggs, with a hint of coffee pulling at the edges.

Snape happened to meet Albus at the bottom of the stairs and accompanied the older man to the kitchen. Snape stopped as Albus had laid a hand on his shoulder, a gesture for him to turn around. The dark wizard arched a elegant black brow as he watched the older wizard point to the Christmas tree.

"It appears you have received a gift, Severus," Albus twinkled in the morning sun. Quite literally, too. His friend was dressed head to toe in golden robes with scarlet red trim and embroidery to match. The embroidery had silver sequins sewed in to better reflect the light.

"Old fool," Snape whispered as he rolled his eyes and made his way to the kitchen.

Chatter filled the air and crackled with excitement. And as it should, Snape supposed, this would be the first Christmas without the threat of Voldemort hanging over them. He took his seat next to Remus, who greeted him warmly to which he replied with a curt nod. The perpetually unkempt man took no offense to Snape's response, only to return to his breakfast briefly before turning his attention to Tonks at his side, whose hair this time was short and light purple. Snape watched the two exchange a look that he could not possibly understand or ever receive. It was much too late in his life for that.

He tore his gaze to the other side of the table and smirked a little as the Weasley brats couldn't help but use magic at the table. Fred, or was it George, kept whisking away Ron's utensils as he tried to eat his porridge, thinking it would make a fool out of him. _Honestly, did he really need the help?_ Ron in turn threw muffins at the two on them. Mrs. Weasley yelled at Ron and admonished the twins, before hugging them tightly, kissing their crowns before wishing them Happy Christmas. Snape could only roll his eyes at such droll.

Grabbing a muffin off of the serving plate, he buttered it, followed with a healthy dose of grape jam, and brought the slathered piece to his mouth. After taking a bite into the flaky, buttery-sweet mass, his black eyes met with those of the amber kind, glistening with unwavering love. He kept the muffin to his mouth to hide away his gaping mouth and dipped his head. Hermione's mouth twitched into a shy smile that widened as she wished everyone a Happy Christmas. Snape carefully watched his young student walk by with her red-headed friend to their seats.

The wizard set down his muffin and let out a deep breath, trying to relieve the tension in his chest. To see her in such a casual surrounding was – unexpected and why he was to have this reaction baffled him. He turned her away so ruthlessly. He used her. So, why? Why now does she look at him the way Tonks looks at Remus or how Molly and Arthur sneak glances at each other, when all the other expressions were filled with anger and hurt? _She will be my undoing._

Snape found he could not eat anymore and resorted to drink the fresh brew of coffee, to settle things in his mind and the stirrings of most likely a pounding headache. He thought he might escape it this morning, but no matter how much he would cut back on the Firewhiskey, it was still too much. While alone with his thoughts, Snape could not be sober or else he would listen to their hopeless, relentless desire to have Hermione within their grasp, to worship her body. But, she crossed the line.

"_I love you," she says. She knows nothing of it_. Since hearing those words, every night was the same and somehow each night was even more unbearable than the last.

"Severus?"

"Blast," Snape spat after spilling his coffee. Albus caught him off guard.

"It's been less than a year and already you've become rusty, my boy," the older wizard chuckled. Severus responded with a snort. "Come, now. They've already begun opening gifts."

Snape followed Albus from the kitchen to the living area and already the entire Order had made a mess. The boys were given new tricks from Fred and George, who were talking in hushed tones with Harry and Ron before slapping each boy on the back. It looked as if Hermione was given a new edition of _Hogwarts: A History_, which she had readily begun reading. No doubt to account for the downfall of the Dark Lord outside its gates. The youngest red head appeared to have received new black robes and a scarlet gown; she nearly fell over with happiness. The older members had cast aside their gifts and were content to watch the younger members enjoy their Christmas with a spot of tea and polite, but trite conversation.

Tonks made a display of her thanks to Remus for her gift of a silver necklace and ever changing mood pendant. The boys gave whoops all around until Tonks hair turned a bright pink. Hermione and Ginny were off in the corner giggling to themselves looking back and forth at Remus, who gave the barest hints of embarrassment. Snape turned away from Hermione's laughing form and found a long red, rectangular box adorned with only a white bow and ribbon along with a small card in front of his nose.

"I told you you had a prezzie waiting for you, Severus," Albus announced. The blasted man wasn't lying, the name Severus Snape was scribbled on the card.

Snape looked around and noticed everyone had stopped to look at the peculiar red box, no doubt wondering who had thought to get the ex-Death Eater a gift. Curling his lip with disdain, he snatched the proffered box from Dumbledore who only smiled in return. Snape plucked the card and hid it away. He eyed the box and slowly pulled one end of the ribbon, watching as the bow deflated on one side and the other followed suit. Letting the ribbon fall to the floor, he pulled the top off which slipped from his fingers as he stared at the item inside.

"What the devil is this?" Snape hissed, grabbing a medium-sized paddle out of the box with the word naughty on the cushioned side and the word naughtier on the un-cushioned side.

"Well, sir," Ron started, "it looks like a paddle." Almost as soon as Ron uttered 'paddle', said item slipped from Snape's grip and whipped around to swat him on the bottom.

Snape jumped as he felt the blow, totally surprised by the sudden impact, followed by shocked gasps. The second impact, however, was just as surprising but with more force that brought him to his knees. The third got him square in the back causing him to fall forward, landing on his hands. All that so the paddle could properly spank him on the arse. At this point, people were unsure if they should stop to help or laugh. Ginny giggled loudly and Hermione followed suit. The twins released the breath they were holding and let their laughter filter out and tears of mirth flowed down their cheeks.

Snape rolled over and slapped the paddle away. "What are you all doing, standing there? Stop this blasted thing!"

He looked back in time to see the paddle before seeing nothing at all.

"Oh!" Hermione cried out as she watched the paddle land on Snape's nose, who fell back stunned. "The paddle, stop it!"

The wooden item stopped mid-stride and fell to the ground before she reached his side. The older members of the Order rushed to Snape, a few glaring at the children to stop their laughter, and watched Hermione ennervate the unconscious professor.

Snape felt a terrible pang at the bridge of his nose and reached up to caress it. He heard tittering laughter off in the corner and suddenly remembered the source of his discomfort. His black eyes snapped open, landing on a pair of familiar concerned amber eyes and sat up. Snape mouth opened slightly as Hermione lips parted and her pink little tongue darted out to lick her lips before she took a deep breath.

"Sir," the young witch began and placed her slim hand on his shoulder, offering him the paddle with the other. "Have you been naughty?"

The room was bombarded with laughter and Snape scoffed at her audacity. He watched the young witch as she tried to keep her composure, but it crumbled under the threat of a giggling fit.

"Oh, sod off!" Snape barked out, snatching the paddle from her hand. He rose to his feet and straightened his robes leaving the laughing crowd behind him. Dumbledore tried calling him back, but chose not to push it. He'd see the funny side of it later tonight.

Snape found himself seated at the end of the long table this time; he stared at an errant chestnut curl that shimmered and swayed just at the blushing cheek of one Hermione Granger. The red hue was a recent development several minutes after Christmas dinner had begun.

_The little chit was the one who bought that blasted magicked abomination, she must be_, Severus thought.

Once he retreated to his room, he managed to set the cursed gift off again. Before being beaten to death - or climax, he wasn't sure due to the nature of the item- the Potions Master had to run off to the bathroom in order to put some distance between him and the paddle. It was then that Snape realized the sex item had been magicked to spank the intended once its invoking word was uttered. Of course it was something as simple as "paddle" which would ensure it would be set off almost guaranteed. But its safe word was also "paddle" so the humiliation wouldn't last long. That, however, was neither here nor there. She had an ex-Death Eater on all fours, which would not do. Miss Granger would have to be punished.

Snape continued to stare at the young witch across from him beyond a curtain of inky hair. Snape had noticed that Hermione's unruly mop tonight had been tamed into flowing curls that gently caressed her animated face. Her hair had grown so long over the years that locks of hair clung to the curves of her breasts hidden beneath a tight ivory jumper. Snape's eyes traveled upward and met her brown eyes. He could have sworn her lips quirked into a secret smile meant only for him.

"Oh my, I'm still so hungry, I don't know what's come over me," Hermione said as she arched her back and puffed out her chest.

The simple movement stole a silent gasp from Snape, who immediately thought of the last lesson as Hermione arched into his grasp – an image that has haunted him many nights.

"Mrs. Weasley, thank you so much for dinner as always. You make such lovely food," Hermione licked her lips. "Ooh, what a large sausage. That should fill me up."

"You've no idea," Snape muttered. Hermione looked at the Professor as she stabbed her fork into the sausage. Instead of placing it on her plate, she held it up to her face and looked it over.

Her sharp eyes cut to Snape and asked, "Do you think it'll fit?" The young witch bit her lip and smiled, "I do".

Snape's brow furrowed slightly as he watched Hermione rub the tip of the log of meat across her red lips, her tongue darted out briefly to taste the salty sweet sauce. Snape almost shuddered as the meat slid past her lips and balled his fists as she bit into it, juices spurting forth and spilling out of her moistened mouth. He felt himself harden once her tongue darted out once more to lick away the remnants of juice. Oh Merlin's rag doll, how he wanted to fuck that mouth. To feel her tongue lick and suck at his member, leaving him clean of any of his juices.

The Professor cleared his throat and looked away from Hermione, hoping no one else saw that little display. Satisfied that no one else was paying attention he turned back to the witch at hand and found the sausage lying in the middle of her plate, completely forgotten, and Hermione nowhere in sight.

Snape waited for the rest of the Order members to leave the table before making an attempt to hunt down Hermione and confront her about the paddle. There were only two choices Snape had which were the living room and the library. After passing through the living room and effectively ruin a game of exploding snap that Hermione was not a part of, Snape set off for the library.

Upon reaching the library, the door was left ajar, golden firelight seeping through the open crack. Snape pushed open the door and closed it silently behind him, while casting a silencing charm and ward on the room lest anyone walk in.

Hermione was perched on a wobbly stool, trying to read a title on the top shelf, her disjointed shadow dancing among the other volumes. Snape walked across the room and observed Hermione's jean clad derrière and vaguely wondered how she would react if he spanked her.

"Professor Snape." The words woke him from his musing and forced him to look Hermione in the eyes.

"Could you help me?"

She pouted her sweet lips at him and he could not stop himself from walking to her side. Hermione pointed to the book titled _Gargatuan Tarantula: The Larger, More Dangerous, and Surprisingly Scarce Potion Ingredients_ on the top shelf. Snape knew he should have just used his wand, but he stood face to face with her pert breasts and her vanilla scent radiated from her deep, even breaths. Being so close to her was hard to keep Snape from wrapping his arms about her waist and rubbing his face into her chest. His fingers twitched as he handed to book to her.

"Actually," Hermione began, "This is not the book I wanted after all."

Snape's mouth nearly fell open as she did not even bother to thank him and watched as she tried to put the book back in its rightful place. He was about to turn on his heel until he heard her screech and felt her collide into him, followed by the harsh impact with the floor.

_When will this blasted girl learn how to balance on her toes?_ Snape squinted and coughed as he looked at Hermione and was about to reprimand her, but could not find the words to do so.

"I'm sooo sorry, sir." Hermione declared as she matter-of-factly undid his belt and top button. "I believe I've hurt you and my mother has always said," she paused as she unzippered him. "'When healing a booboo, a kiss will surely do.'"

Hermione pulled out his hefty length, fully erect, and blinked several times.

"I think I'm going to have to give you more than just a kiss, sir. Is that quite all right?"

Snape only stared at her in response. _Yes, please._

"I'll take that as a yes," Hermione smirked. She lightly kissed the tip of his penis, before licking it with her tongue, then fully immersing it into her mouth.

_She's really doing it, she's sucking me off. And by Gods, she is good._ Snape's eyes rolled into his head and his mouth went slack as his head plopped down onto the ground. He could feel her small hands lightly tugging at his balls as she swallowed him the best she could. He moaned as she picked up her pace and then there was cold air. _Dear Gods, I was almost there._

"Why," Snape growled. "Why did you stop?"

Hermione was not even looking at him. She was on all fours inspecting a book on the bottom shelf.

"There you are! Exactly what I was looking for," Hermione exclaimed as she proceeded to get up from the floor and headed straight to the door.

Snape was rock hard and at that moment he saw red.

"GRANGER! HALT," he spat to her retreating figure as he zipped up his pants.

"Oh, I almost forgot this, Professor," she looked over her shoulder and tossed a miniscule item that quickly grow to its normal size. "Paddle."

She heard a loud smack and a very satisfied groan before closing the door behind her. Hermione Granger's plan began extremely well.

AN: Enjoy. Thank you for the reviews. I'll try to keep up with this.


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